General Thoughts (Well, More Like a Series of Rants) to Get Me Back Into the Groove of Things

Today is Wednesday and is the first day that I go back to work after gall bladder surgery. I'm simultaneously ready and not ready to get back into my music therapy routine, and today's post is going to be dedicated to all the thoughts in my head and trying to express them so I don't end up dwelling on one thing more than any other. I'm not sure that it will work, but here goes nothing.

1. AMTA National Conference - I am very glad that I decided not to go to conference this year. The benefit of hindsight has me feeling very good about this decision as I now have significant medical expenses to cover in the next couple of months and don't think I would be very happy traveling to Minnesota in my current state of being. I'm tired of hearing the same old things from the same old people, and I'm tired of the constant squabbling that is going on in our association. The most recent brouhaha has led me to leave a social media group completely because of the spoiled attitudes being presented on both sides. Since I have spent much of the last several days yelling things at my social media feeds, I decided to relinquish membership in a group that has been troublesome for me from the start. Now folks are moving onto other feeds and groups, and I am muting as many people as I can mute.
2. Work - I'm stressing about a situation at work where someone is trying to dictate how something is going to be without knowing any of the details involved. This thought woke me up early this morning and has made my morning stress filled so far. I know that this person is just trying to take out some frustrations with other situations on me, but it is unprofessional and I don't deserve the criticism that has been flung my way. All of this stuff happens in the category of "other duties as assigned," and it has nothing to do with my role as music therapist, but it is affecting my work satisfaction significantly. I am sure that my absence has led people to take things that are not theirs to use in this situation, and I am already stressed out about it all. My regular calming statements are not helping out.
3. Car Repairs - So, while I was in the hospital, my car got rear ended and there is damage that needs to be fixed. I ordered a new car on October 12th this year and was told that the car would arrive between 6 and 8 weeks from the order date. I can't get the first car fixed until after that timeline, so I am stressed out about needing repairs, new cars arriving, all the money that I am having to pay for this, and the fact that some jerk out there backed out of the emergency room parking lot into another car and didn't seem to care that another person (also in the emergency room) would have to deal with the large dent in the back hatch at a later date. No note, nothin'!
4. Politics - I'm so tired of this entire year of politics. Anyone else think that our representatives in Congress are just showboating?? Everyone has an agenda and all those agendas have nothing at all to do with actually running the government. My father is becoming more and more difficult to interact with as he is convinced that every interaction is personally directed against his choices for representation. I'm so over all of this and feel that the system is broken in many ways but we will never be able to change it.
5. Singing - My most pressing concern right now is that my singing voice is not what it was three weeks ago. I'm thinking that two intubations have something to do with the tickles that I am getting in the back of my throat when I try to move into my head voice. This concerns me because my voice is part of my identity, and I do NOT want vocal nodes. I have to do some research on voice building after surgical procedures to see if there is anything out there for me to do to rebuild appropriate breathing and singing technique.
6. Other Body Stuff - Did you know that not having a gall bladder means that your body doesn't process fats the way it used to? I'm learning this and am not sure what this means for me exactly. I'm going to have to start keeping a journal of food and other bodily functions to see patterns of what I can eat and when and what I cannot eat. All of the superglue has come off my incisions as of yesterday, and the sites itch horribly, but that's part of the process of healing. I'm still very tired, but I am going a bit batty at home, so I am glad to be getting back into the semblance of a routine.
7. Realizations - I realized during this break that since I no longer use my personal devices for music play at work, I no longer have to spend my money to purchase albums that my students like but that I can live without. I had some fun selecting music that I like for commutes and tasks without thinking about whether the music would be good for my clients in therapy. This one isn't really a rant, but if I started to add up all the "music for clients" purchases that I have done over the years, I know I will quickly discover why I didn't have much money over the past years. That's a hidden cost to being a therapist - at least, to being this therapist working with adolescents. 
8. Wasting Time - I feel that I am wasting lots of time lately. This seems to be directly related to my feelings of boredom in all aspects of my life - work, home, etc. - and has ramifications for all sorts of things that go on. I am in search of something that challenges me - something that makes my little existence something more. It's not like I don't have things to do - I do. Tons of things to do. Nothing really sparks any kind of interest and I have limited motivation to do everything. Session strategizing? Nyuh. Vacuuming? Un-uh. Going out to eat? Movies? Taking a walk? Watching television? Nothing really makes me interested these days. So, I waste time going from thing to thing but never really getting anywhere interesting.

Okay, enough of the pity party for one over here. I am going to take my shower, get dressed in my work uniform, gather my stuff together, and head off to work where I will deal with what I have to deal with as it arrives. Oh, the thought of the email mess alone is causing my anxiety response to build. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

Thanks for reading and indulging me in this series of rants.