Changes

There have been lots of changes in my life lately - some initiated by me, others initiated by others - that have made me think about where I want to be going in my life.

I spend lots of time in thought, contemplating various topics about music, therapy, and music therapy. I also spend time thinking about where I belong in the bigger world of this profession. I also spend time wondering what I will be doing when I grow up ('cause I don't feel grown up right now, that's for sure!). I also think about how much my life, attitudes, and philosophies have changed over all of the years I've been part of this profession. Change, change, change.

My Dad is my go-to guy when it comes to helping me clarify my thoughts about changes. He is able to lead me through lots of ideas and scenarios that lead me to decisions about things that I struggle with during my life. He often asks me, "What don't you want to do?" I am often able to identify what I don't want easier than what I do want out of life. His voice is the one I hear when I start to think about where I go next.

I am faced with the inevitability of change. I had an injury that continues to complicate my life, even though it is "fixed" and "recovering nicely." I think I sprained the replacement part when I went through our physical behavior management recertification last week. I haven't been able to walk well since. I'm going to call the orthopedist this morning to see if I can get into the office for a check. Just in case.

It is clear to me that I cannot really do the job that I am doing right now anymore. Having to physically manage aggressive behaviors is no longer something that I can just do - it will take more out of me than I think I can handle, if last week was any indication. 

My next question is "if not this, then what?"

I think I need to talk to my Dad. I know what I don't want. I don't want to have to constantly wonder if I am going to get through experiences whole and without injury. I don't want to be away from my family anymore. I'm ready to go someplace closer to my parents and my sister. How to do that? That's what is keeping me still...

Ah, changes. They are coming.

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