Favorite Things Friday - Talking to Others About Self-Care
Oh, Happy May!
As I am sitting here in these pre-dawn hours, I am thinking about my posts over the past several months. They have been increasingly focused on self-care and finding my way in music therapy. This is probably because I have spent much of the last two months sick. I had a bout with a stomach virus in March, and now I am in the midst of a stubborn asthma attack that is difficult to navigate when I have to be singing all the time. I have spent the last two days at home, and I am staying at home again today. But, I digress into something not-quite-related to what I want to talk about today.
One my favorite things to do is to talk to professionals (and almost professionals) about self-care. It is amazing how much we talk about taking care of others and taking care of our professional responsibilities and how little we talk about taking care of our personal selves. I think I was lucky to study with a professor who was in the midst of personal issues - she made sure that we focused on family dynamics, co-dependency, and awareness of things like burn-out and compassion fatigue. This information has influenced my way of thinking about self-care since my senior year in college. It really was a gift, and is one that I think every therapist (music or not) should think about on a regular basis.
In my webinar series with interns, we talk about several different things. We discuss compassion fatigue, secondary trauma, and burn-out. We parlay about self-care considerations and how to establish self-care routines. We think about how to find our own self-care foci and to practice active self-care in order to be able to practice appropriate other care.
For me, the journey into self-care has been a rocky one. As a new professional, I felt that I had to know everything, be everything for everybody, and push myself until I had nothing left. All of this was after my year-long foray into the topics discussed above - co-dependency, family dynamics, burn-out. I knew the information, but hadn't internalized the reality of being a "helper" yet. It wasn't until I did internalize the information that I had learned and recognized my own trends and tendencies that I was able to develop my pattern of self-care.
My pattern of self-care has many facets.
First, being a blogger helps me with acknowledging what is going on in my life and then analyzing what is happening. It is amazing how my goal of being an almost daily blogger has really helped me become more aware of what I need to do to remain healthy as a caregiver. My blog is my music therapy journal - professional and personal as well.
Second, I am an avid reader. I read books all the time and just for fun. I spend time every day reading something that has nothing to do with my real life. There are books all over my house, and I have read almost every one of them five or six times over. My professional guilt makes me read music therapy texts and research (a "you should be reading something that relates to your job" goblin is present in that last statement), but my personal need for self-care leads me to the library and the bookstore. I like to escape into stories. So, I do!
Third, I do everything I can to separate work from home. I use my watch as a transition object. I leave it off when I am home and put it on as I am going to work. It comes off when I get in the car to drive home. It never comes into my house. Sounds like a little thing, but it is a routine that really does establish that I am on personal versus professional time. I keep some music therapy activities for work time only. Others, I only do at home. For example, I do not access work email at home... EVER! Also, I only do therapeutic music experience (TME) development and material production at home. It is part of my relaxation routine to make visual aids for my clients and for various TMEs, but I also want to maintain my intellectual property. If I make things at work using work time and work materials, then the products should remain at work. When I make things at home on my own time and using my own materials, then the products are mine to do what I want to do. So, I may get an idea while I'm at work, but the actual fabrication, composition, publication, etc. happens on home time.
Fourth, I keep track of my emotions, reactions, and responses to things happening in my life. There are many resources on the web for self-care. Here are some of my preferred sites and articles:
As I am sitting here in these pre-dawn hours, I am thinking about my posts over the past several months. They have been increasingly focused on self-care and finding my way in music therapy. This is probably because I have spent much of the last two months sick. I had a bout with a stomach virus in March, and now I am in the midst of a stubborn asthma attack that is difficult to navigate when I have to be singing all the time. I have spent the last two days at home, and I am staying at home again today. But, I digress into something not-quite-related to what I want to talk about today.
One my favorite things to do is to talk to professionals (and almost professionals) about self-care. It is amazing how much we talk about taking care of others and taking care of our professional responsibilities and how little we talk about taking care of our personal selves. I think I was lucky to study with a professor who was in the midst of personal issues - she made sure that we focused on family dynamics, co-dependency, and awareness of things like burn-out and compassion fatigue. This information has influenced my way of thinking about self-care since my senior year in college. It really was a gift, and is one that I think every therapist (music or not) should think about on a regular basis.
In my webinar series with interns, we talk about several different things. We discuss compassion fatigue, secondary trauma, and burn-out. We parlay about self-care considerations and how to establish self-care routines. We think about how to find our own self-care foci and to practice active self-care in order to be able to practice appropriate other care.
For me, the journey into self-care has been a rocky one. As a new professional, I felt that I had to know everything, be everything for everybody, and push myself until I had nothing left. All of this was after my year-long foray into the topics discussed above - co-dependency, family dynamics, burn-out. I knew the information, but hadn't internalized the reality of being a "helper" yet. It wasn't until I did internalize the information that I had learned and recognized my own trends and tendencies that I was able to develop my pattern of self-care.
My pattern of self-care has many facets.
First, being a blogger helps me with acknowledging what is going on in my life and then analyzing what is happening. It is amazing how my goal of being an almost daily blogger has really helped me become more aware of what I need to do to remain healthy as a caregiver. My blog is my music therapy journal - professional and personal as well.
Second, I am an avid reader. I read books all the time and just for fun. I spend time every day reading something that has nothing to do with my real life. There are books all over my house, and I have read almost every one of them five or six times over. My professional guilt makes me read music therapy texts and research (a "you should be reading something that relates to your job" goblin is present in that last statement), but my personal need for self-care leads me to the library and the bookstore. I like to escape into stories. So, I do!
Third, I do everything I can to separate work from home. I use my watch as a transition object. I leave it off when I am home and put it on as I am going to work. It comes off when I get in the car to drive home. It never comes into my house. Sounds like a little thing, but it is a routine that really does establish that I am on personal versus professional time. I keep some music therapy activities for work time only. Others, I only do at home. For example, I do not access work email at home... EVER! Also, I only do therapeutic music experience (TME) development and material production at home. It is part of my relaxation routine to make visual aids for my clients and for various TMEs, but I also want to maintain my intellectual property. If I make things at work using work time and work materials, then the products should remain at work. When I make things at home on my own time and using my own materials, then the products are mine to do what I want to do. So, I may get an idea while I'm at work, but the actual fabrication, composition, publication, etc. happens on home time.
Fourth, I keep track of my emotions, reactions, and responses to things happening in my life. There are many resources on the web for self-care. Here are some of my preferred sites and articles:
North American Dance Therapy Association - http://www.nadt.org/membership/selfcare-for-therapists.html
Seven Mistakes - http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-therapy/201207/seven-mistakes-therapists-make
Compassion Fatigue Self-test: http://www.compassionfatigue.org/pages/selftest.html
It is also important to find a think-tank of people who will empathize, sympathize, and then spur you to problem solve whatever is going on in your life. For me, my family and my music therapy friends make up my think tank. My Mom and my Sister are great for the empathy and sympathy part, and my Dad is the best at reality checks and problem solving. My music therapy friends can often relate to specific situations going on in my professional world since they share elements of that world that my family members do not.
Fifth, and final, I have had to realize that it is not my responsibility to change the entire world. That may sound like a "duh" statement, but it was difficult for me to realize that I absolutely cannot be therapist to everyone in the world. No one can. I have had to realize that focusing on what I do well is much more beneficial to me and to the world I serve than trying to do everything. I am not a good hospice therapist... and THAT'S OKAY! Sometimes, recognizing what you are not is much more valuable than being able to see what you are. I struggle with being content to do what I know I can do and do well. I always want more and more. That is also something that is valuable, but, if I am not careful, I get consumed with the desire to be everything that others are. That is my pathway into burnout and leaving the profession. I have to watch myself and my tendencies towards desiring to be Uber-therapist in order to practice my self-care routine and to remain healthy and productive as a helper.
Take some time today to take care of yourself. I will be spending some time napping, taking breathing treatments, and staying as quiet as I can. I will also read, participate in the #MusicTherapistBlogger challenge, and do some strategic planning for myself. Time to practice what I preach.
Take care.
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