Sing A Song Sunday #5 - Hard to Say I'm Sorry
Today's song is from a Hal Leonard book, 55 Contemporary Standards, published in 1994. The song, Hard to Say I'm Sorry, was written by Peter Cetera and David Foster, starts on page 88, and is one of my favorite songs from my adolescence. I was excited when it was in the book I randomly chose for this week's blog post.
Find a YouTube video of this song here.
This song became popular in the early 1980's and was the slow dance anthem of my junior high school. Chicago wrote and sang some really good dance songs - the ones where you would loosely hug your guy and sway back and forth. We weren't the best dancers back then, but it was the 80's! You should have seen our mosh pits!!
The basic theme of the song is apology. The guy singing has done something that makes his partner decide to take a break. He's not sure that's what he wants and asks her to stay with him. (By the way, these pronouns are in the song.) He talks about how he needs to around her. He promises to make up with her due to the history that they have together. It interests me that he never actually says that he is sorry for what he did. He discusses not wanting to be kept away from her body, but not that he is sorry for the situation. It seems like he just doesn't want her to leave, so he'll hint that he's sorry about what he did, but never actually say so.
As a young girl, this song seemed extremely romantic to me. I would (and still can) sing every word. It brings back good memories of first crushes and thoughts about romance. Chicago will be one of the groups that future music therapists MUST know to elicit memories and engagement in me when I need treatment.
Anyway, back to how to use this song in music therapy treatment sessions. I've been thinking about how I use music quite a bit this week. There are times when the music that you use in a session has a primary role where all elements of music are directly and specifically chosen and adapted to affect change in our clients. There are times when the music is chosen for some, but not all of the music elements. The music may provide a background figure to encourage another specific response. For example, the tempo may match the desired cadence of a client walking down the hallway. At that time, the lyrics, timbre, and theme of the song are less important than other elements.
In my music therapy clinic, I would probably not use the original recording. It is a bit too old for my clients to completely understand. If we were doing a series of lyric analyses on appropriate social behaviors and interactions, then this song might make an appearance, but I would probably search for something a bit more contemporary for my adolescents. The chord progression is consistent so it can promote entrainment and possibly relaxation in clients. The melody is not complex. It is repetitive but offers some variation between verse and chorus. I could see using this melody and harmonic format with completely original lyrics to encourage desired responses in the clinical moment. The lyrics would be improvised, but the musical structure would not be. Since I am so familiar with the song, I can use the music and adapt it in the moment to fit any client that arrives. If we need to sing about waiting patiently, the words will be about waiting patiently. If we want to direct the attention of a client to something, the lyrics will encourage the client to attend to that something. If a client needs to wiggle, I can change the tempo from "moderately" to something with a bit more movement and then change the lyrics to encourage wiggling.
I feel that this is the greatest power of a music therapist. We know how to adapt the musical elements that are present in every song to match what our clients need in the therapy setting. I also feel that we do not explain this well to people who do not "get us." It is difficult to describe the reasons why you choose a particular song for a particular client in a particular moment to someone who does not understand the complexities of music as a therapeutic medium. It is our job to understand those complexities and to share them with the people who need to know more about them.
This song became popular in the early 1980's and was the slow dance anthem of my junior high school. Chicago wrote and sang some really good dance songs - the ones where you would loosely hug your guy and sway back and forth. We weren't the best dancers back then, but it was the 80's! You should have seen our mosh pits!!
The basic theme of the song is apology. The guy singing has done something that makes his partner decide to take a break. He's not sure that's what he wants and asks her to stay with him. (By the way, these pronouns are in the song.) He talks about how he needs to around her. He promises to make up with her due to the history that they have together. It interests me that he never actually says that he is sorry for what he did. He discusses not wanting to be kept away from her body, but not that he is sorry for the situation. It seems like he just doesn't want her to leave, so he'll hint that he's sorry about what he did, but never actually say so.
As a young girl, this song seemed extremely romantic to me. I would (and still can) sing every word. It brings back good memories of first crushes and thoughts about romance. Chicago will be one of the groups that future music therapists MUST know to elicit memories and engagement in me when I need treatment.
Anyway, back to how to use this song in music therapy treatment sessions. I've been thinking about how I use music quite a bit this week. There are times when the music that you use in a session has a primary role where all elements of music are directly and specifically chosen and adapted to affect change in our clients. There are times when the music is chosen for some, but not all of the music elements. The music may provide a background figure to encourage another specific response. For example, the tempo may match the desired cadence of a client walking down the hallway. At that time, the lyrics, timbre, and theme of the song are less important than other elements.
In my music therapy clinic, I would probably not use the original recording. It is a bit too old for my clients to completely understand. If we were doing a series of lyric analyses on appropriate social behaviors and interactions, then this song might make an appearance, but I would probably search for something a bit more contemporary for my adolescents. The chord progression is consistent so it can promote entrainment and possibly relaxation in clients. The melody is not complex. It is repetitive but offers some variation between verse and chorus. I could see using this melody and harmonic format with completely original lyrics to encourage desired responses in the clinical moment. The lyrics would be improvised, but the musical structure would not be. Since I am so familiar with the song, I can use the music and adapt it in the moment to fit any client that arrives. If we need to sing about waiting patiently, the words will be about waiting patiently. If we want to direct the attention of a client to something, the lyrics will encourage the client to attend to that something. If a client needs to wiggle, I can change the tempo from "moderately" to something with a bit more movement and then change the lyrics to encourage wiggling.
I feel that this is the greatest power of a music therapist. We know how to adapt the musical elements that are present in every song to match what our clients need in the therapy setting. I also feel that we do not explain this well to people who do not "get us." It is difficult to describe the reasons why you choose a particular song for a particular client in a particular moment to someone who does not understand the complexities of music as a therapeutic medium. It is our job to understand those complexities and to share them with the people who need to know more about them.
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