Thankful Things
Over the past four weeks, I have leading a Therapeutic Music Experience (TME) with my students. We are talking, singing, and rapping about the things that we are thankful for. Now, these kids have developmental/intellectual disabilities and concurrent psychiatric issues, so most folks don't expect too much from them - wrongly so! We made Thankful Turkeys and then sang about what we put on our Turkeys. Most of the responses were to be expected from kids - my family, turkey, an X-box, pumpkin pie. Some of them were profound. "I am thankful that I have shelter." "I am thankful that this is a good place." "I am thankful that I can eat everything I want." "I am thankful for being away from my family."
TMEs like this always challenge me on a personal and professional level. Professionally, I need to be reminded that my clients do not always know what I knew as a child - consistency, shelter, food, security. I need the reminder that I am a person who provides those things to my clients, sometimes when they have never experienced consistency or security from an adult before. Personally, I am also reminded of the benefits that I took for granted when I was their ages. My family, being what it was - good and bad, was loving, complete, concerned, and present. I was lucky and am reminded to thank my parents and siblings when I am reminded that my students did not experience this same type of family.
There is a fine line between sympathy and empathy. I am not able to empathize with students who do not have the same family system as me. I can only tread into sympathy. It is important that I remain detached from that type of thought as a therapist. You can never completely remove sympathy from your interactions, but you cannot allow sympathy to overtake your expectations. By over-sympathizing, you could fall into the trap of excusing inappropriate responses and reactions of clients because they "can't help it because of how they were raised..."
It is my job to tread that line between sympathetic response and empathy. The only type of concession that I can make for my students and their responses or reactions to things is the thought that they may not have ever learned the right way to respond to things and need to be taught those responses. That's it.
On this American Thanksgiving Day, I am thankful that my students are in a place that offers them consistency, shelter, food, education, caring adults, and a place to learn what they can and cannot do as productive members of society. I am thankful for a community of music therapists. I am especially thankful for my family, near and far! I am thankful for you, dear reader.
Be thankful.
TMEs like this always challenge me on a personal and professional level. Professionally, I need to be reminded that my clients do not always know what I knew as a child - consistency, shelter, food, security. I need the reminder that I am a person who provides those things to my clients, sometimes when they have never experienced consistency or security from an adult before. Personally, I am also reminded of the benefits that I took for granted when I was their ages. My family, being what it was - good and bad, was loving, complete, concerned, and present. I was lucky and am reminded to thank my parents and siblings when I am reminded that my students did not experience this same type of family.
There is a fine line between sympathy and empathy. I am not able to empathize with students who do not have the same family system as me. I can only tread into sympathy. It is important that I remain detached from that type of thought as a therapist. You can never completely remove sympathy from your interactions, but you cannot allow sympathy to overtake your expectations. By over-sympathizing, you could fall into the trap of excusing inappropriate responses and reactions of clients because they "can't help it because of how they were raised..."
It is my job to tread that line between sympathetic response and empathy. The only type of concession that I can make for my students and their responses or reactions to things is the thought that they may not have ever learned the right way to respond to things and need to be taught those responses. That's it.
On this American Thanksgiving Day, I am thankful that my students are in a place that offers them consistency, shelter, food, education, caring adults, and a place to learn what they can and cannot do as productive members of society. I am thankful for a community of music therapists. I am especially thankful for my family, near and far! I am thankful for you, dear reader.
Be thankful.
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