Teaching therapy
I am taking a break from being a teacher/trainer. As ,much as I love being an internship director, I find that there are times when I just need to be the therapist. It has been over 3 years since I have been completely alone in my music therapy clinic. Eight interns later, I am ready for a break!
I find that some interns are easy to teach. They think like I think, learn how I learn best, and just seem to have an inherent bent towards therapeutic interaction with my particular clientele. Those are the interns that are simply a joy to point in the right direction and then watch them fly away.
Then there is the other brand of intern. These interns are challenges in many ways. Sometimes they do not learn in a way that is easy for me to understand. Sometimes they are not interested in being a music therapist, but have to because of their families. Sometimes they come to me thinking that they have learned everything there is to know about music therapy and I am not going to get them to learn anything new. These interns are energy sappers.
When faced with intern of the latter breed, I often find myself feeling more tired, irritable, and uninterested in being an effective teacher/trainer. My first experience with supervising a difficult intern was one that I will never forget.
This intern was "the superstar" in her academic program. She could do no wrong and apparently told her professors how to work with kids with autism. She was an excellent performer, but seemed to expect kids with autism and behavior disorders to sit and listen to her as she sang them complex songs or expected them to pretend to be bugs. (It is my suspicion that she had interacted with kids on the Asperger's side of the spectrum rather than kids on the Autism side.) She did not understand that her expectations were a bit high for her current population.
I spent the fourth month of her internship feeling burnt-out. I dreaded going to work, was in a slight depression, found myself in a creative block. Nothing got me out of the funk. I had decided to resign from my job at the next contract year since I was not happy. Then, my intern called in sick.
I had a wonderful day. I led sessions with all of my clients, wrote several new songs, talked to the intern who had just started her internship, and went home feeling great. No signs/symptoms of the depression I had been feeling. As I was driving into work the next morning, I thought, "I really hope she is sick again today." I gasped and realized that there was a relationship problem rather than a burn-out situation. I took steps to change the relationship that morning.
Many times, I find myself so preoccupied with how I am going to teach an intern a specific skill that I forget that I have to keep challenging myself to grow as a therapist, a musician, a professional, and a human being. I find training interns to be the best and the worst part of being a music therapist. Often, those feelings occur simultaneously for me. When I find myself thinking that I am burning out at my job, I decide to take a break from being a trainer.
When I started as an internship director, I found that I was only able to train two interns before craving time off. In the past several years, interns have been coming to me fast and furious. I accepted interns nonstop until now. Now I am tired.
I'm taking a break.
I know I will be returning to being a teacher/trainer. I cannot stop that part of my life completely because I love that mentor process, but it is time to reestablish my identity as a therapist rather than a supervisor.
Off we go...
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