Crawling Back to School

Today is the day that I return to my extended school year sessions. We are heading back into the modified schedule of late, working for four hours with clients and then heading home to try to do more work at home. I am not successful at working at home. The good news is that my interns (that's right, after today I will have two of them again) will get to be with me (as long as they have been taking their temperature and isolating a bit) as we start to figure out the new normal.

There are so many rumors out there. Budget cuts and layoffs looming for everyone. Going to split live interaction classes - half the class present for in-person interaction and half the class engaged in remote learning. No singing forever. The information is multiplying and difficult to keep track of, and I am tired of trying to figure out ways forward to have them dashed by administrators and legislators and heads of state who really don't have a clue what it is like to be constantly wondering about what will happen next.

For me, I find that my breaks from work are not quite enough to get to a state of being ready to work. If I had been healthier this year, I would have had about eight days to take off at some point to really rest, but I wasn't healthy this year and all my sick time is long gone! It refreshes on July 1 when my new contract starts...if I get a new contract on July 1. Hmm. New worry to chew on.

Anyway, I am taking my aching, aging, and all too tired body to work today to get things going again. I will spend some time with my interns (not nearly enough time yet, but that should be changing soon), and then I will drive back home to work on projects and to orient my new intern to her new role.

Instead of sitting on the floor in my big, clear music therapy room, I'll be interacting with my interns in front of screens. All of our consultation and supervision sessions will be through different platforms because we are not able to be in the building for long periods of time.

What I know in this moment is that I will be going to work this morning. I will try to get there a bit earlier than 8am so I can greet my interns and know what is happening with them. I will assist my senior intern with group leadership today - I'm having to throw her back into full interactions with clients so she can get hours working with clients rather than hours of sitting at home working in isolation. We will help our clients get used to interns again after two months of it being just me in music therapy. So now I will move into the role of observer and mentor rather than therapist - I'm not sure that will be a good thing for me, but it is what it is.

Time for yet another change to how we do things in this period of pandemic. I crave structure and routine - but not this structure or this routine. What a silly conundrum to have to face, but there it is. I want things to be arranged the way I want them arranged. My spirit of compromise and conflict resolution has shriveled up and withered away. I need to find it again.

I'll confess, I've been stuck in a "poor me, why do these things always happen to me" bit of a mentality for the past two months, but I know that a) this is NOT personal and b) that this is not happening just to ruin my plans. IT IS NOT ABOUT ME! However, I have been approaching this as if it were personal. It is not, and it is time to push past my own limited perspective to something more global and based on the things that I know work - conflict resolution, brainstorming, and planning - design thinking and looking for all possible solutions to the current problems.

Okay, I am going to head out to work. I'll "see" you tomorrow.