I'm Just Not Interested in This Right Now

I have moved from a place of wanting to post every single day on this blog to my current viewpoint of "Eh." Since my attitude has changed so recently, I haven't posted much in the past three weeks. I've been so silent that Facebook is noticing! "You haven't posted in a while. Why not post something on this page so your followers will keep in touch." Thanks, Facebook, just what I need - an algorithm that chides me for my shortcomings!

So, here is my explanation post.

I have no explanation. I just haven't wanted to write lately, so I've been giving myself permission to stay in bed or to skip things entirely. I'm calling it mindfulness and all sorts of other things to justify why this is happening, but I really think it is just part of the ebb and flow of life. There you go. Sometimes ideas come to you quickly and other times ideas flit around, just out of reach and refuse to settle into a semblance of a paragraph.

I believe that writing daily is a good practice to get into, and it is the practice that has guided my blogging over the past several years. Write every day. Write even when what you write has little to no relevance to an audience. Write anyway. I've fallen out of practice with this habit of mine. I would like to get back into this routine, but I am feeling stagnant.

I hate feeling this way. Feeling stuck in any part of my life leads me into frustration and feelings of inadequacy and the such. Add unspecified illness (but NOT influenza or strep, thank all that is good out there) into the mix and you get a MJ who would rather lay in bed than drag her bones to the computer to write down her piddly little thoughts. Yep. That's the type of thoughts that goes through my brain these days. 

My music therapy role at my facility is changing again. I am bowing out of the leadership role for all sessions but one - ONE - as I move from therapist to supervisor. I will be getting half of my groups back after Spring Break, but I will need to sit quietly for most music therapy sessions between now and then - four and a half weeks. Four and a half weeks of time to think. Four and a half weeks of being quiet while other music therapists do what I love.

Of course, this shift hasn't happened yet, but it getting ready to change right now...today. I will no longer be contributing to the way sessions are implemented. I will be present, but only as a part of the group, not as TME leader. There we go. Since this hasn't happened yet, it is not part of the reason that I haven't been blogging lately.

I am still interested in music therapy. I am still interested in music. I am still interested in what other music therapists do in their parts of the world and comparing it to what I do in my part of the world. I am just tired of staring at a blinking cursor every morning.

Okay, what I'm getting from this post (because this is how I process most of my thoughts about stuff) is that blogging may not be my best way into processing what is going on in my life at the moment. Perhaps some watercoloring or pastel work would be better media at the moment - something that allows me to explore my current status in the world without being as structured as this blog tends to be...well, sorta.

I will find my interest again. I always do.

In the meantime, if you have any ideas about things I should write about, please let me know!


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