Do You Ever Have a Day Where...

... the very thought of having to make music just exhausts you completely? Welcome to this music therapist's summer experience. I am starting to slide into my summer SAD situation, and I just don't want to go anywhere but my bed. I am not looking forward to yet another summer in a hot room, listening to people complain about the temperature (which I cannot change at all), just marking time. Two weeks, three days until our next summer break.

... the birds are singing their hearts out outside in the one tree branch that hangs over the fence? I have one bird that is just out there, chirping and chirping away. I wonder what it is trying to convey to me. It doesn't sound upset, but it is constantly singing out there. It is too dark to see what is happening out there, but I am curious.

... there is too much happening in the world outside your doors? I cannot start my day with any sort of news because it becomes very overwhelming for me.

... you just don't want to be around other people? I am having those feelings today. I will go to work, I will do my job, and I will be happy when I see people, but the effort it is taking is substantial.

I left a bit later than usual yesterday, and figured out that I don't want to leave at that time because the people on the road were annoying. I like being early, but I also like being able to stay at home later and not getting to work too early. I think I will try a bit later this morning - it will mean being at work a bit longer, but that's okay. I don't have anyplace I need to be.

I went to sleep last night around 7pm and dreamed more than I usually do. I wonder if those two things are related. That's not how it usually works, but who knows?? I may try to remind my anxious self that I have worked so many extra hours that I do not get paid for so being on time is not being late, no matter what my brain tells me. The world will not end if I arrive at 7:15 or even 7:30. No one will even notice - except for me. I just feel like I don't have enough time to get things finished if I am not there early. I do, but I don't feel like it.

Isn't it interesting how our brains operate? I have time anxiety - I want to be early to everything and get anxious about being late to everything and anything. Add in a healthy dose of SAD, and I can be an absolute mess during the hot and humid months of the year. It is cooler earlier, but I don't get to leave work early, so there is no real advantage to working more than my contracted hours. I am going to try my best to work only my contracted hours, but I say that every year and I get sucked back into my time anxious reactions again and again. Will this be the summer session where I break my pattern? I don't know, but it is time to take my shower and get my lunch going. I think I will buy breakfast this morning on my way to work. I have to get gasoline on the way as well. I have 30 minutes before I have to leave.

So, off I go into the world of hot music therapy rooms, noisy fans, and leading sessions as a tired music therapist. There you go! Happy Tuesday!