Mourning

 I am exhausted...bone weary...getting crabby.

Today was my cousin's memorial service. It was our job to meet my aunt at the church and basically keep her going and not falling completely apart as things did not come together as she had planned. The flowers were not what she had imagined. She had all sorts of timings off. She had family members telling her what to do which directly conflicted with what she needed to do at the moment for her own processing. My sister took the phone away from her at one point to stop my cousin from the pressure that he was putting on her.

We are in a situation where there are too many chefs in the kitchen.

There is so much frenetic energy and contradictory information and so many assumptions happening that no one seems to know what is happening at any time. I feel helpless because I know less than nothing about any of the plans. I'm not in the loop. I didn't know that we are not finished with this. We still have the internment to go on Monday. I'm glad we weren't planning on leaving until then.

We left this evening about 30 minutes AFTER the political rants started in the other room. My extended family and I do not really see eye to eye on politics. So, I asked my close family if we could go back to the hotel. After a quick stop at the grocery store for a salad and various other things, we made it back to the hotel. I am now sitting in my own room blissfully alone.

It is time to get quiet. It is time to move towards our new way of being in this world. It is time for me to hydrate and then sleep and sleep. Let's hope we get NO fire alarms tonight...