I'm Being Courageous By NOT Doing Something This Time Around...

My "You SHOULD" goblin...
I have a word for my year - Courage. I am striving to do things that make my stomach turn when I think of them. It has been amazing how much I avoid some things, and this outlook is making me focus on what I am avoiding and then doing something about it. My latest courageous step is something that I have never actually done before.
I am NOT submitting a presentation proposal to the AMTA National Conference this year. Not a one.
I have been struggling to come up with an idea that I want to talk about with other music therapists within this time frame, so I've decided not to pressure myself. Any ideas that I come up with will be offered here via my online platform rather than in the hustle and expensive bustle of conference.

I'm feeling some peace about this decision. I was driving home yesterday, thinking about where to look for old ideas to resurrect and submit, and I just thought, "what if I don't submit?" All of a sudden, my stomach flipped, but everything else relaxed. I took my body response as a two-fold acknowledgement of this idea as a good one.

I may regret this a bit during November when I am not preparing for my own presentation, but I think I'll be okay with this decision, even then. I may try something new at conference - a friend of mine floated the idea of an exhibit space - I'll have to see if I can afford a place at the tables (stomach flips everywhere). I may just go to learn about stuff. 

Even after making this decision, there still is a small voice in the back of my head saying things like, "you really SHOULD be offering some ideas," and "how are you going to justify the expense if you are not presenting, hmmm?" Here's the deal, goblin. I share lots of information with others, and my presence at conference does not require presenting. I can go just to go. My rational brain knows about this, but my emotional brain is still screeching away - there is a recurring theme about should and have tos and musts.

I have decided to try for a presentation outside of the field this year and not to try for presentations at my profession's conference this year. I'm convincing myself that it is all okay. And it really is.

I have a long five day weekend coming up. I am going to spend some of that time coming up with a strategic plan, some more of that time outlining my next CMTE course, and even more of that time engaged in active visioning. I'm going to eat good food, sleep when I want to sleep, and take some courageous steps forward. I am going to enjoy some business reading and some reading just for fun. I am going to review my progress through this past trimester and see where I want to go in the next four months. 

All of this because I am not going to do something that I usually do.

Courage. 

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