music, therapy, and me

Yesterday was our "here's what we're going to do" meeting at work.

We are now considered "essential healthcare workers" and will be continuing business much like usual. There will be some differences - they are trying to figure out how we will be doing planning at home and about a third of our clients will not be attending school services at all in this time frame, but the rest of it is just as usual.

Except - our schedules are being changed by people who have no idea how music therapy works. 

Except - my intern is no longer allowed on the grounds because she is a volunteer.

Except - no can seem to make a decision about ANYTHING that lasts longer than an hour.

Except - I now have to have my work email on my personal phone which is something I REALLY do NOT want to do.

I am trying, just like everyone else that I know right now, to make sense out of what our jobs look like now. I will be doing the same old sort of music therapy that I always do but with less stude…

I need to celebrate something that is going on in my life, so I am going to write a bit about what I've actually done this week...this VERY long week full of rapidly changing circumstances and full of the unknown.

Oooh, now I am singing the Panic at the Disco version of Into the Unknown from Frozen 2 - my favorite song from the movie - the PatD version, NOT the Idina Menzel version for some reason - but I digress.

This has not been the best spring break for me for many reasons, not the least of which was the global pandemic that is happening around us all. I started my break in a preparation for a medical procedure that did not happen because I seemed to be in a feverish state when it was due to start. I don't think I had a temperature, but the nurses would not listen and I panicked and burst into tears because this meant that all the anxiety and bad dreams and panic attacks have to be rescheduled because I was having a facial flush (NOT a TEMPERATURE!). Then my family members …

I think my anxiety about all of this is starting to subside a bit. I've been watching what all of you all are doing out there, and there are puppies and kittens on the television, so I am starting to come up with scenarios for myself in my job as a music therapist.

I'm in an interesting spot. I am a school employee who works within a residential treatment program. About 65% of my clients are residents. The remaining 35% are day students who attend the school only. My paycheck comes from the school district, but the facility contributes to that paycheck. So, my job is more complex than that of the typical school-based music therapist. We have two separate groups of clients that will need interaction and treatment. The focus of most of the administrators at my facility are on our residents. The school has to be a secondary focus at this time because our residents are there all the time. While administrators are focused on how to house, supervise, and keep our residents safe, I am…

Well.

I am impressed with the things that my music therapy friends and acquaintances are doing in the face of this new way of living. My feeds are full of recordings and live streams and new thoughts about how to do music therapy where it is needed even when miles and kilometers separate us. It is amazing to see what is being offered out in cyberspace right now.

I am amazed by my fellow professionals.

I'm trying to figure out what my job may look like starting on Monday. Still no information on what I'll actually be doing after break, but I'm starting to think through my possibilities. I'm a bit hampered by distance, technology, and lack of knowledge, but there are still possibilities. Brainstorming also helps me remain sane in this time of uncertainty (again, one of my MAJOR anxiety triggers) - I like coming up with a plan for myself. It's even better when I can come up with seven plans for myself!!

One of the things that I've noticed about myself in this situatio…

My school district has closed for the next week for sure and probably for the rest of the school year - well, at least if the governor has anything to say about it. My administrator sent out a copy of an email "sent to all USD staff" (not sent to my email address) that states that we will be extending our break for another week as we come up with a plan. Our school, being a public, special purpose school housed in a residential treatment facility, will not match any of the decisions made by the superintendent. So, I'm not sure if I'll be trying to do teletherapy with my groups or just stay at home. I don't know if I'll have a salary for the next two months or not. I don't think I'll be paid by the church since the church is closed and I'll not be needed during this time. I only have two more months with that paycheck anyway, but every little bit will help these days.

Uh-oh. I'm starting to spiral. 

Here's what I know for sure.

There is nothin…

I don't know about you, but there is so much happening right now that I can't really seem to keep up. My church job has been canceled for this week, my school is on Spring Break and we haven't heard what's next, my big step outside my comfort zone was canceled, and my medical procedure yesterday was postponed - AFTER I DID ALL THE PREPARATION! I am in a state of feeling sorry for myself and then shame spiraling because I have it pretty good these days and then my "shoulda" goblin comes out to play. My internal critic comes out to play. "You SHOULD be contributing something big to the world of music therapy right now." "You SHOULD be creating good music." "You SHOULDN'T be sitting at home feeling sorry for yourself because you have things pretty good these days." "You SHOULDN'T be stressing about not knowing what is going on." "You SHOULD remember that you aren't as bad off as others. You SHOULD be suppo…