Back Again - Brain Working and Able to Think

It has been a long time since I wrote something on this blog - at least, it has been a long time for me. I enjoy writing about things, and I try really hard to keep up with a writing practice daily. There are times when I write but do not publish my posts, and there are times when I just don't write at all. I am currently coming out of a long (for me) hiatus from writing.

On the 23rd of June, I had a sinus headache and started sneezing. This is not an unusual thing for me, but I was on all of the allergy medicine that I could possibly take. I sat with the entire teaching staff while my principal told us all that our facility was going back into COVID precautions since the numbers were going back up. I was masked - one of the few who were - and it ended up being a good thing for myself and for others.

The next morning was a day off, so I didn't have to go anywhere. When I woke up, I was much more sick, so I took an at-home test. Positive. I took another. Positive. Okay.

I have not had COVID before these past weeks. I think mine was a light case - I didn't have to seek any sort of medical assistance - but I am still testing positive on the new tests that arrived last week. I spent my entire week sleeping and trying really hard to find any motivation at all. After five days, I did not feel better, so I tested again. Still positive. Even now, 10 days out, I am still testing positive on the tests.

I am feeling better, I think. I am still crying without any provocation, but things have been happening that are contributing to my annual bout of depression due to SAD and my general hatred of this season completely.

A friend's husband died unexpectedly. The country is a mess. People seem to hate others more than they love others. Guns are everywhere. Last night was a holiday to celebrate a country that is flawed as all countries are. We tend to celebrate by setting fire to the sky - something that I am not EVER happy about because of a traumatic experience that happened when I was little. All I see on social media is negativity. I am somewhat immersed in this negativity right now, and I am having difficulty seeing the positive things shared as positive. I am also having to navigate the world with less money than before at a time when everything costs significantly more. I was unable to travel this week like I had planned, so I am stuck here at home, knowing that I am still testing positive on a COVID test and not wanting to share germs with others - like whomever shared germs with me.

At this point right now, you may be feeling less than sorry for me. I am tired of whining and not feeling well and not wanting to do anything and yet wanting to do everything. I am mourning on behalf of my friend, and I am dreading the funeral service that is happening on Thursday evening. My anxiety is off the charts and is not at all relieved by finding that I am still testing positive on these tests. The one good thing about this is that I am justified with not going to California this week - I am still positive - I might not be contagious anymore, but I can justify not heading back to my mother and my sister...

I am starting to get cabin fever. I was going to try to mow yesterday, but I got overwhelmed very quickly by the heat and the amount of work that needed to be done, so I spent more money on getting someone to do my lawn for me. It will be a lot of work to start with, so I will pay for that service and then get someone to mow every other week. I will not be ordering out or eating much meat for the near future since I have used more time off than I was allotted, but I will have a mown lawn. (Yes, spell-check, mown is a word!!) Get ready to eat lots of noodles, MJ. Choices have consequences. So, I will make lots of noodles and will shred the remaining chicken into small portions. I found my Tupperware, so I can make meals and freeze them in convenient little portions!!

I FOUND MY TUPPERWARE! That's a positive thing about getting an additional week off when you were not expecting it. I found the last evasive box for the kitchen that had been shoved into the closet in the library room. My Tupperware has been located!

Before I left my job two Thursdays ago, I had spent some time reading the book that I am currently exploring as part of my quest to understand some of the attitudes and opinions that are around all of us at the moment. I was filling up the last pages in my work journal by taking notes all over the page in lots of different colors. It was visually satisfying and I am learning quite a bit about how others see the world these days. I am also reading a memoir by someone who has a different world view than I do. I am always interested in how others view the world and how it differs from my own view, so reading these books are part of my quest to understand some of the societal themes that are happening these days.

For now, though, I am trying to figure out how to find my balance again. I felt quite a bit of shame in getting COVID now at this late date after avoiding it for 30 months. I wracked my brain trying to figure out where I would have found this particular germ. I have been masked around everyone except for my interns... This was part of my fever, I think, but I still wonder where I got the virus from...

At the moment, I am working on a bunch of ideas for Teachers Pay Teachers files. I don't get much money from my shop, but I get a couple of dollars a quarter from that source. I like making visuals, so I post what I make and what I use to see if others will find them fun as well. I am also making another junk journal even though the others haven't sold yet. I am toying with the idea of being an exhibitor at the Midwestern regional conference next March - what I was planning on doing in 2020 before the pandemic became a pandemic. If that is the case, then having some junk journals would be something to sell at my exhibit. I also need to make more things to sell as well as displays to organize. I have seven months to get my inventory up. I think I will make a couple of digital file binders so people can purchase things off my TPT store and see what they will be getting. I have a list of what is on my store site already, but I also have more files to share that I have not put onto TPT yet. 

So, having an exhibition would be a good plan for me. I could use the files that I started before the last live conference. I could also get more going for that exhibition as well. Journals, fancy pencils, file folders, sing about songs, theme packets, therapeutic music experiences, things for organization and for being an internship supervisor...so many options...

This thought is invigorating, and I think I will take the plunge! I need to focus on something in the future, and I would love it to be something forward thinking and positive! 

My brain is working again. I am able to think a bit better now. I have five more days of my current mid-summer break. I am starting to feel better - except for my emotional state of mind when I am sitting here alone and feeling sad for various reasons. I will spend some time making things today - food as well as stuff. I did some laundry yesterday, so that needs to be folded and put away. I want a day where I get something done. I will start with crock pot chicken, follow that with spaghetti sauce, and maybe do some tuna casserole later on. I want to find some recipes to go along with the food that I already have sitting in my home. The Tupperware is going upstairs so I can separate food into portions. I FOUND MY TUPPERWARE!! Hooray!

Thank you for reading these ridiculous posts. I know that it is a Tuesday so it should [goblin alert] be writing a TME Tuesday post, but I wasn't feeling it this morning. I just needed to write something to get myself back into the habit. So, that's what this is. I have canceled my intern webinar for this evening (I thought I would be at my mother's house where the internet is not always available), so I have nothing to do today except for things that I want to get done. Happy Tuesday, all. Thanks for being out there in the world.