The Last Week of the Year

Today is the last Monday of 2020, and I am more than ready to say goodbye to this horrible year. Now, I don't believe that things will miraculously clear up at midnight on Friday, but I hope that something changes in this next journey around the sun.

This year, my word for the year was "evolve." It was my goal to make my business ideas happen in ways that I could envision - mostly needing face-to-face interactions - and I was on my way until March. In March, as we all know, life as we knew it and as we planned it came to a screeching halt. All of my plans were shaken about, set on fire, and then left in the world of uncertainty that we now know is COVID-19. I was not able to get much of my plans accomplished, but I found other ways to evolve into the therapist and person that I am today.

The word I have chosen for 2021 is "deepen."

I spent an inordinate amount of time trying to figure out what I wanted from life last year, and I found that I am pretty much bored with how I exist at the moment. I work, I go home, I go to work, I go home. Right now, I am not working, so I am just sitting in my quiet, cat-less home, dwelling on loss and trying to figure out what I will do with myself for the next week. Nevertheless, I decided on my word for 2021 about a month ago, and I am using it to frame my decisions about all sorts of things right now.

I was bored with my routines at the end of 2019. I felt that life was in a holding pattern, and I wanted to shake things up a bit. Then, the pandemic shook things up for us all in ways that were not in my plan, so in ways that I was unable to fathom and navigate without lots of pain and growth. This year has forced me to evolve as a person and as a professional, and now I am ready to deepen my knowledge and experience into the next phase of my life. Call this a mid-life crisis, if you will. I am ready for more.

One of my favorite books is by Madeleine L'Engle. A Wind in the Door is the second of the Time Quartet and is the book that came after A Wrinkle in Time. It is a good book that continues much of the theme that started in Wrinkle, but it takes a different approach. One of the challenges that Meg faces in the book is to convince an organism (this kinda fringes on a spoiler, so I will try to be vague enough to put my point across without ruining anything if you decide to read the book) to mature into a new way of existence. L'Engle called the process "deepening," and I have taken that concept as my own for this year.

I want to deepen. I want to mature into a new way of existence, and I want to increase my understanding of things known and undiscovered. I want to make more of an impact on the lives of my clients, and I want to do more than I am able to do at this moment with them and with other music therapists. I want to deepen.

Here is a link to the definition of this word from Merriam-Webster. I like the second set of definitions a bit more than the first which is just to make something more deep - seems like a cop-out to use the word in the definition of the word itself, but I am not the editor of the site, so...

Anyway, I seek to make my understanding of the universe of music therapy stronger and fuller and more complete. I want to think about the power of music in the lives of my clients and all the people in the world that I would take as my clients if I could do so. I want to figure out why music can change us, and I want to seek out the understanding of why music works where other media does not. I also want to deepen my connections with others in this music therapy community. I have been feeling isolated and out of touch with what is happening with other music therapists, so I seek to enrich my community of professional acquaintances and develop a cohort. I am taking advantage of continuing education courses and will be reading as well to increase my understanding of how other professionals approach music therapy and music interactions with clients from different perspectives and experiences than my own. I will strive to make 2021 a better year than 2020 for myself and for others in ways that I am able to do so.

 

 

This has nothing to do with my word of the year, but it seems to be relevant to my current state of mind...

A friend asked me if I was going to the animal shelter soon with the implication being that I would get a new cat to be a companion. I'm not ready to even contemplate that at this point. I can't even clean out Bella's litter box yet. I keep looking down the hallway hoping to see her walking out to sit between me and the computer, so it is not time to start a new relationship. I think I will move out of this home first before I bring another animal into my life. Maybe. I'm not sure that I can do this again. I have joined a pet grief support group on Facebook, so I hope that I can work through these feelings into joy and remembrance. See, folks, there is a reason that I do not work in hospice. I would be like this for every single passing, and it is not good for me at all! I am resorting to constant social media use for any sort of interaction that I can get and to fill up time. This is not good for me. I will be throwing myself into as much busy work as I can find so I can fill time - I have seven lonely days ahead of me where I had planned on cuddles and conversations with my Boo. It will take me some time to get to the point where I am not listening for her footsteps and asking her for her opinions on things. Thank you for being on this journey with me.