The Week That Was

It has been a long, difficult week - in good difficult ways and not-so-good difficult ways. The Online Conference for Music Therapy was about halfway finished at this time last week. I was firmly in my moderator role, listening to folks talking about music therapy in their places in the world. I always love this conference - this very wonderful change to increase my perspective on what music therapy is and should be - but it always wears me out! I am almost always either sick or getting sick at this time every year, so I have the double whammy of lots of things to do as well as lots of need for rest and self-care.

This past week was exhausting. My students are getting influenza and strep. I went to the doctor on Tuesday because I wasn't sure that my particular bit of germ donation to my environment wasn't the flu. (After an EXCRUCIATING brain probe to test the mucus in the back of my nasal passages) I found out that I was negative-negative for influenza. I was back to being a mystery! I am now on medication for an unspecified infection. I am getting ready to take the best thing ever invented for me during these Jan/Feb bouts of unspecified illnesses - Tylenol Cold and Head - Severe Congestion! That stuff dries me up and allows me to stop the coughing even better than the codeine-laced cough medicine that I had to sign my life away in order to get. I took Wednesday off (even though it meant using up one of my valuable snow days) and just laid on the bed (well, after going to the pharmacy to get my medications) for the entire day.

All of this to a) explain why I didn't blog this week, and b) to avoid getting to my primary task for the day.

In fact, this entire blog post is a way to avoid getting to my task. I have been avoiding this task for a long time, even though it is something that I absolutely love and want to share with others - imposter syndrome is rearing its ugly head.

I know imposter syndrome WAY better than I like, and part of my word of the year is to move away from the things that keep me tethered to the same place and that take me to the next place in my journey.

Oh, dear. I'm still doing the imposter thing...

Here's the deal. 

One of my goals this year is to have an exhibit at the Midwestern Region conference. It is being held within a 3 hour drive of my home, it fits in with my random day off in April, it is after Easter, and it would be the perfect place to move my ideas off the page and into the real world. I have sent in the money and now I need products! This is where my brain, stomach, and motivation come to a screeching halt!

Imposter syndrome rears its ugly head every time I start to think about making things to sell to other music therapists. I've become a bit more accustomed to posting things on Teachers Pay Teachers, but I still get those twinges. This is more public.

Here is the situation, though - Not many people know that I love making things for music therapists. I love designing games and therapeutic music experiences and visual aids and tools that help us all work smarter and not harder! I love the creative process, and I am always proud of the finished products, but I have convinced myself that I am a poor salesperson. An exhibit hall seems to be the perfect place to prove to myself that I'm not as bad as I think.

In an exhibit hall, people approach me rather than me having to approach people. I'm good at showing folks how to use the things that I have. I'm good at getting people excited about using materials. I enjoy talking to music therapists and helping them figure out ways to make their lives easier. All of these things are part of being a salesperson, right?

The problem is that I haven't been able to convince myself to start making the things that I want to have to offer these music therapists. I have a bit over 2 months to get these things done, and I've wasted an entire month with my dithering!

Imposter syndrome.

Here's how I'm going to break out of it...today!

(I've been planning this since yesterday, so here it goes!)

I am going to sit down, select three of my Teachers Pay Teachers files. and print out about 10 copies of each. I will pay the extra money to make additional copies if I need to - I can afford a couple extra dollars for my ink subscription this week. I will sit down and pretend that I am making these files for my interns - I like making things for them, so that should help with my attitude or outlook - I will generate as many different things as possible by the end of this process, and I can always give them to my interns if they don't sell! Lucky interns!! They could use 15 copies of March Madness Basketball Rhythm cards, right??

Time to grab the cardstock out of my car and start printing things out!!

Thanks for reading this as I've worked some of these feelings out. I hope that your upcoming week is full of good challenges and wonderful epiphanies...

Sing your own song!!

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