Thoughtful Thursday: The End of an Era

Today is the last day I am going to work with a particular co-worker. This man has been at the facility for most of the time I was there. He has been in almost every role there is when working with children (except for my roles), and he is leaving for a new job. Today is his last day. He's not alone in leaving, on this last day of the contract year, but he is the one I'm going to miss. 

The end of the contract year is always the last work day of June. When we return from the break next week, there will be six new co-workers to get to know and to introduce to our particular culture. At least one, and possibly two, of the new folks are returns. That will be helpful, but there are always ripples when folks leave and then return again. It will be interesting to find out how these folks work within our specific culture, and there will be a need for consistency from those of us who are staying.

I try to be someone who accepts and supports change. Sometimes, that is difficult, but I try. What I don't like - AT ALL - is when someone comes in and expects me to change every little thing that I do to accommodate them. I want to be part of the discussion and team when it comes to what needs to happen in my music therapy clinic. I want an active role and discussion when someone thinks that what I am doing is not working. It seems only appropriate to have me be a part of the solution. Fortunately, I have been able to stand my ground with co-workers who have told me that my music is too loud (it really isn't - it could be a WHOLE lot louder, I promise!), that drumming is not appropriate for my students (sometimes drumming is the only thing that's appropriate), and that kids only have fun in my room (ooh, just TRY that statement with me! I'll bury you in so much psychological research, language, and support for the therapeutic decisions that I make that your head will spin for weeks! I know what I am doing!!). Try to make a decision about what I should or shouldn't do in my professional area without me, and watch out!

I think I'm obsessing about this a bit too much for this early on the last day of the first summer session. I did not have a good night. I woke up several times after bits of the same recurring dream - I had apparently accepted a new job but hadn't told anyone and had to get to work, quit my current job, figure out where to go for the new job, and settle all types of issues - like salary, job description, job location, etc. I woke up at 11:30pm last night, 1:30am this morning, and 3am as well. Each time I went back to sleep, I dreamed another chapter in the job saga.

(For the record, I don't believe that I did get a new job, but these types of dreams are SO real, that I'm left wondering if I actually did. If so, I won't be showing up to the new job.)

I rarely dream (that I remember), but when I do, they take the form of anxiety dreams. It is possible that these dreams are related to the fact that my work cohort is changing. It is possible that they are part of something else going on in my life - starting a new part of my part-time life - or maybe they are indicating something else entirely.

Today, I will give my departing co-worker a card that congratulates him on his new job and indicating that I will miss him. I will spend my time with students doing quiet things. I will then forego the "Bon Voyage" party at the country club (so totally NOT my scene) and return home for the start of my midsummer break. It is time for some self-care in the form of being at home, being quiet, and doing what I need to do for me. 

I'll generate some more course content, get car maintenance accomplished, clean a bit, nap a lot, and follow the cat around. I'll know when she gets tired of me when she walks out of the room when I walk in. I will craft some stuff, including small books, cards for my card box, painting step stools, and maybe I will sew something. I've been dreaming about making a music therapy instrument tote for a couple of years now. I can do it! I will try to get out of the house daily for some reason or another. There will be a movie in the theater sometime next week, and there might even be a trip to somewhere. I may just get in my car and drive north until I want to stop. That will happen after the car maintenance, of course! I need a new battery and new brake pads and rotors - that all happens tomorrow. I will also spend time trying to avoid the fireworks that my neighbors will insist on setting off as soon as the out-of-town firework stands open up. (I have some post-traumatic responses to fireworks. They are a bit easier to stand now that I know why I have these responses, but still. Fireworks bother me lots and lots.)

For today, however, I will go and do my job. It's the end of an era, but I will be fine.

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