music, therapy, and me

I work with adolescents, and I can tell you that they are sometimes difficult to engage in what I have to offer them. Right now, I have one who absolutely refuses to engage with me in the music therapy room - no eye contact, no engagement, hunched over - but is effusive when glimpsing me in other places - smiles, enthusiastic greetings, high fives. It is fascinating to me. Now, I have come across clients who have never given me a chance before. I have had a handful that I have never been able to interact with in a meaningful way. I never stop trying, but there are some people who are just not interested in anything that I can give them in my music therapy sessions. It is hard to take at times. I am a people pleaser who just does not like to be disliked. So, the clients who do not like me make a bigger impact on how I feel about myself than the many clients who do seem to like me and what I do with them. I want to give my clients what they want and need during their mandatory time with ...

Yesterday was a day off for me. I had reached the end of my compassion and was stuck in compassion fatigue, so it was time for a self-care day. I was exhausted, even after a full night of sleep, so I took some of my precious time off for yesterday. It was a quiet day where I got some things done. I took out my yard waste trash can with the remains of a branch that fell during our last windstorm. I took out my trash can as well. A load of dishes is waiting to be unloaded. The sink is clean. I picked up some stuff in my craft space. I took the read books out of my To Be Read pile and brought them downstairs to the library room. It might not sound like much, but these tasks are the ones that have been nagging me - things that can be done in less than five minutes but that are no fun for me to accomplish. Today is the last day with students before our break. I have four groups to navigate and then all I have that is structure for tomorrow is a faculty meeting. After our meeting, we will us...

My mother is currently WAY into making miniatures. I mean, this techno-phobe, almost octogenarian is watching YouTube videos and hunkering down with her bits and bobs and is making things for a currently fictional Barbie house. She is making plans for us to work on making some rooms for the Barbies that she is collecting. So, why am I putting this on my blog? My mother is the QUEEN of making things out of other types of things. She has always done this and always will. She is having so much fun making things, and she will continue to make these things until she is finished. That's how Mom goes - full-out until she is done. Her latest craze has been making plants for Barbie out of tape, markers, twist ties, and bottle lids. That's right. She has made some house plants for Barbie's soon-to-be-made Dream House. My mother is my original Thrifty Therapist. She is an Occupational Therapist (retired) and has always been crafty as well as artsy. We used almost everything over again...

I just don't want to go to work this week, but I know that I will regret it if I do not go. It is Spirit Week and the last week before winter break, so there are so many things that are happening that will just fan the flames of hyper-emotion that is already simmering in the body of each and every one of my students AND all of my co-workers AND, of course, in me. Staying home would be a cowardly act and would not do me any good at all. So, I will be heading out into the world to go to a job where there isn't much that can be done as far as education is concerned. I need to figure out how to keep my students engaged in something that is not extremely taxing to them but that still offers some of the things that I want them to be doing. It is Musician of the Month and center week, so I want clients to choose things to do, but I also need them to be active and moving, so the centers need to be something that will keep them busy. The major problem that I have when putting together m...

Inspiration comes from strange places. I got inspired by cat videos and a song came out. It is always interesting to trace the origins of songs, and mine usually come from two sources - silly things or client goals. This one came from silly cat videos and is called "Naughty, Naughty Kitty Cat." I paired it with a "Match the Ornament" game during one of my groups. Before the start of my music therapy day, I tend to spend about 15 minutes tuning my guitar and engaging in some random strumming. I think about the day that is ahead, and I either play songs that I know really well or I settle into a chord progression and just start to make music. Usually, good or fun songs emerge right before a group enters the room. Now, I've been doing this a long time, and I know that I will NOT remember a good song if I do not write it down. Since this is the case, I have post-it notes and a pencil in a drawer right next to my guitar stand. When inspiration strikes, I write down l...

Today is Friday the 13th of December, and I am getting ready to lead a holiday sing with about 150 people. It is also payday, so it is not a bad day at all. I am currently debating what to wear and how to arrange my music so all can hear and see. I also have a reward session and a group session to run today before the Sing, so I have to figure out things within a slightly different time frame than my usual Friday time blocking. I got a new badge yesterday because I still cannot find my old badges and my keys. Fortunately, I have spare keys so I can get into my inner doors until I find my old keys. They have to be somewhere where I can access them because they are not anywhere else. I have to have dropped them in my car somewhere because I used them to get out to my car. What a mess, but I can access the outer doors now, so I can get into the building when needed. I need to get into the building today. I have run Holiday Sings for about 15 ish years now. These started when we built the ...

I lost my badge and office keys somewhere between the administration hallway and my car yesterday. This is bad because it is somewhere where I do not have it. This is good because there is a small place where it can be, and I hope that I can find it and regain access to the building. Ah, the stresses that happen when you drop things. I am hoping that I will find them once I get to work, but if I can't find them outside, then I have to go get a new badge, put in a request to have my office and storage spaces rekeyed, and way too much hoopla for the day before the Holiday Sing. I feel ashamed about all of this because it just is not something that should be happening.  I feel stupid.   Yuck. I don't like this feeling. Something so little just throws me into a struggle cycle. There is so much that happens all the time that goes perfectly fine - I was able to get through physical behavior management training without associated pain, so that's a good thing, but losing my keys ha...

I turned in my library books yesterday, so now it is time to tackle my To Be Read pile.  This pile grows and grows as I keep acquiring books from various resources, and I have reached a point where I need to finish those books before I buy more or before I borrow more.  These are actual books, by the way, not counting the books on Kindle or Libby. That To Be Read list is discouraging to be honest. I have WAY too many books on my device, so I tend to use those for trips rather than putting them into my regular reading habit. Several years ago, I realized that I was not reading books very much. This goes against my nature as a person, so I strove to read more. I did. That type of quest is really easy for me. I love reading fiction, so I went back into my own library to find my way back into reading as a habit. I have hundreds of books - even after sending some out into the world to be read by others - so it made sense to start with my shelves. I explored the books that I kept af...

Every so often, our administrators remember that the educators in our school have things that we need, so they ask us for wishlists. I always get surprised by these requests - they usually require answers immediately, and I get startled by the request and all thought goes out of my head - so I never add things to the list because I can't remember what I need. I have been starting to keep a wishlist in my journal to help me with these moments. Of course, since I started this wishlist, no one has asked what I need. Isn't that often the way? Anyway, this list is a handy thing for when folks ask me what I want for various holidays as well. I have a long standing request from family members for any kind of instruments that they find in different places. My family protests that they do not want to get me things that I already have, but the nature of instruments is that they break and need to be replaced, so I am always happy to get another one. Also, within the therapeutic process, i...

It is almost the end of the calendar year - a convention that humans created to measure time - and that leads me to think... I am thinking lots more these days due to more time to myself and less time running around from music event to music event. I am trying to find ways to keep myself occupied rather than watching television and eating. December has been a month where I flitted from thing to thing, but since I released myself from my church job, I find myself with not much to do. For some reason as well, I am in an anger spiral, so I find myself ruminating on the fact that I don't have as much to do this month as I have had for the past 26 years, but that is part of how my body is primed at the moment. This week is our Holiday Sing. This is the replacement that I had to come up with when my administrators restricted my use of the town community stage and told me that two small bumpouts in the gymnasium was adequate for my needs for a stage. They are not. So, the Holiday Sing was...

It is almost the end of the semester at my job. I am getting ready for almost two weeks off from working in the school within a psychiatric residential treatment facility, and I am also thinking deeply about what I want to do next year in all areas of my life. This post is about my work role as music therapist in my particular job. I do group music therapy for all students at our facility. All students have to attend 60 minutes of music therapy per week as part of their educational programming, so there are some clients who are not interested at all in anything that I have to say, do, or offer. This can be somewhat disheartening, but there is a challenge in figuring out how to engage these clients. So, what does this have to do with songwriting on a Sunday? I am tired of many of the songs that I have been using lately. I am on a search for new songs to learn, adapt, and share. Now, this isn't client-focused. Many of my clients come for less than a year with us, so they find all of ...

To be completely honest, this is the second post that I have tried to write today. The first one ended up being a list of my current challenges and the amounts of emotional ups and downs that I am currently experiencing, but it was not something that I wanted to continue to write about, so here I am. I got some Velcro for my file folder projects this week, so I have no excuses to not get going on my exhibit hall plans. Time to get printing and cutting and laminating and velcroing and prepping and pricing and all that! I am looking forward to this challenge, so I am going to get going with it! I have selected my word for 2025. I like this practice as it gives me some sort of purpose during my yearly trip around the sun. It may be silly to some, but I find comfort in thinking about what I want to do in my quests and in my life and in my work. There are only 24 days left until the start of 2025. I am much less stressed than I have been for a very long time. That is a definite benefit to n...

I did not sleep well last night. I apparently fell asleep before 8pm and then woke up at 9pm. I did not get back into deep sleep after that, so when my light went off at 4:19am, I was not very happy. I have since showered and am now sitting here at my computer, so things are moving in the correct direction for this work day. Unfortunately, when this type of sleep interruption happens, I tend to sink into negative thoughts and ponderings. I have been imagining all sorts of negative interactions with people - not something I usually do, but now it is happening every time I start driving to work. I have been in several imaginary confrontations this week - it is exhausting, but that's the way things go... Last week, I received a request to host a practicum student in the Spring semester. This made me laugh because the school that was requesting this placement has not treated me well, so I automatically resist being part of this program. Secondly, I really feel that I have to step away ...

To be completely honest, I am currently just getting through my library books right now. I have finished seven of them, have three more to read, and twelve more days to finish them up before I need to turn them back in. I will finish them before that time, but not until this weekend. It is interesting that when I try to read anything at work, attempting to gain some sunshine and get away from my desk, all I get are condescending and snotty comments. People walk past saying, "Gee, must be nice to have extra time where you can just sit and read." This always rubs me the wrong way because I am taking my 25-minute duty free lunch that is part of the contract that is between myself and my school district. I get to choose when and how I take that time. I don't leave my office much because of the attitude that I get when I leave my space. All I can think is, "Well, ____. If you were as efficient in your job as I am in mine, you would have some time to take lunch as well, an...

I have to admit that I now have enough money to purchase many of my music therapy instruments, but there were times when I was unable to spend money on the luxuries of things like shaker eggs or tambourines. In those cases, I learned how to make many of the instruments that I wanted to use with my clients.  Making instruments takes time, and time is valuable, so keep that in mind when you are making budget decisions. So, how did I make instruments? I looked through every single Bible School curriculum that I had access to. I searched through kids' books about crafts and making things. I used the internet to find resources. I scrounged through my recycling to find materials. I bought lots of glue and mod podge and tissue paper and duct tape. I would make things and then bring them into my clinical environment to test them. (My clients are WONDERFUL at breaking things, so they are the ultimate test for all my instruments!) Then, I would take the pieces back and figure out what to do ...

Let me start off this post by saying that the non-profit organization that I work with has a new CEO. Recently, this CEO - a person who has worked for the organization for about 5 or 7 years now (I don't really know) in two different positions - sent out an inspirational email about how we should be giving our work 150% at all times. The CEO stated that she does this, and all the rest of us should do this as well. I have to tell you that this really rubbed a hole in my brain and is something that I have been thinking about over the past week while I was resting at home away from work.  I no longer feel that work deserves 150% of my energy, or my thinking, or my time. I just don't think that work needs this type of dedication. I have struggled with having work boundaries in the past and getting this expectation sent to my inbox just stirred up all the guilt, all the thoughts, and all the goblins of the past. So, this past week has been full of thinking. That's the best thing...