music, therapy, and me

You may be thinking "why May 21st as the start of a new year?" Valid question, but it is the start of my new year. Today is my birthday, and I am being recognized for retiring at the school district breakfast before heading back to work for the last three groups of the regular school year. After tomorrow's training, I will have some time to load up my car and bring more things back here before a week off. After that, I have four weeks of summer school before I am cut loose and ready to move out and move on. So, happy birthday to me, and thank goodness that this year is over! This year has been a challenging for me. It included colon cancer, the removal of about 16 inches of my large intestine (and the removal of my cancer), trips for my sister and mom to help me out with all of that rot, the introduction of new specialists into my medical routine and rotation, and more colonoscopy preparations than anyone should have in a 12-month span. I am ready for a new year of life a...

I was scrolling on my Instagram feed, the way that I do, and saw a post from a teacher speaking about using a kite flying analogy to teach a math concept to her high school students. They did not understand, and the teacher finally realized that it was because her students had never flown kites. She bought a bunch of kites and had the students fly them outside to get that experience. This post made me think a bit about experiences. One of the things that all humans do is assume that their lived experiences are similar to the lived experiences of all humans. In fact, there is a developmental process where children start to be aware of similarities and differences between them, their families, and the families of others. It is easy to assume that every person has flown a kite at least once in their lives, and this assumption also applies to us in the music therapy world. As a vintage music therapist, I have been involved in the music therapy world as both a student and professional for 3...

It is Graduation day at my facility, and we will be celebrating the shift from student to young adult transitioning to the work world for four of our clients today.  Graduation used to be a transition out of the facility and into adult programming, but now we have a transition program, so that doesn't happen as much anymore. In fact, I think that one of our clients will be pretty angry when the realization comes across that this day does not mean leaving and doing what is wanted where and when but means about four more years of potentially being part of the program. The other three students are following similar patterns, but they don't really seem to mind. It is always humbling to be part of this ceremony. It is the one time where I get to see family members of my clients. Isn't that strange? Unfortunately, the music therapist is not someone that is seen during conferences or sought out at other times at my facility. So, this ceremony gives me a glimpse into the family sys...

Oh, reader of mine, I have finished my last Talent Show at my job, and it was a doozy! Not for my performers, but for me! At 10am, my slipped discs moved into absolute pain stage. Things just pinged and were accompanied by sharp, deep pain. Of course, the talent show started at 1:15, so I had to hobble to my desk and request assistance from my big kids to take things down to the gym. Then, none of the speakers worked with the adapters and cords that I had available. We ended up starting 15 minutes later than planned as I tried to get my pain-filled body to and from my music room to the gym more than I originally wanted to get some sort of music system happening. I finally rigged a microphone to the bluetooth speaker, but that's a really poor way to run music. No more! (I am going to order a bluetooth speaker system for the next music therapist to use. I am not going to pay for this one, but it is imperative that the next person does not have to struggle through the things I've ...

Today is the day. Today is the last Talent Show that I will run at my current facility. I have no idea if there will be a Talent Show next year, and I am okay with that thought - mostly. I have sixteen acts to coordinate and one of the students is coordinating a "surprise" for me that I will have to play guitar for... we'll see how it goes. I think I have run at least 29 of these shows. We even did virtual talent shows during COVID. It has been an interesting process of finding how I like to run things to provide my clients with opportunities to show off a bit. There is not one right way to run anything, and I've found that my attitude towards the talent show is that flexibility has to be the key. I've had students freak out about being looked at by everyone in the school and run out to pull the fire alarm. After that happened, the student sent someone to tell me that the student wanted another chance. I did not allow that. Sorry, but putting everyone in potential...

I know my "why." I know why I am leaving a good job after 30 years. I know why I want to move from full-time work to part-time work. I know why I want to work from home for a bit. What I am not quite sure about is "what" I want to do. Now, I am trying really hard to relax into the idea of not having a set plan, but my structure-seeking brain really wants me to know everything in my immediate future. The problem is that I am not exactly sure what I want to do. It is always an interesting situation to have no plan reaching before you. I was this way when I moved here back in July 1996. I knew I was going to graduate school, but I had no idea how I was going to support myself while I was doing that. The TA position I had been told I could have disappeared, so I had to find a way to support myself and my education habit while paying full tuition. The job that I scrambled to find did not start when I needed it to start - there was much turmoil happening at the facility w...

It is Tuesday again, so here is a therapy technique that I use when working with my current crop of children, adolescents, and young adults in a psychiatric residential and day school. Overplanning everything! Sound simple? It really is. For every session that I lead during my workweek, I have about twice the options of therapeutic music experiences (TMEs) available than I actually use. I use my session strategies like a menu. Students come in yelling at each other - that calls for some non-verbal interactions - let's play a game! Students seem exhausted - that calls for some alerting - let's do some stretching and movement. I have my options available for me at any time in the session. This means a bit of strategizing on my part. I have to know the materials that I have available to me during the session time. I hate having to get up to get materials out of cabinets during sessions, so I use my strategy to plan what I might want to use. I have ways that I accomplish this. Most...

Happy Monday. I had another insomnia night where I did not sleep well at all, and now I am going to do five groups and an individual session with less than usual rest. I do not know what I want to do with my students this week, but I will figure something out before the first folks walk into my room at 9am.  I am starting to feel the stress of leaving start to come over me and my ability to do this job. We have two weeks of "regular" school before a break and then our extended school year is starting up. I will tell students about my retirement in June as I am taking things off the walls and out of the cabinets. I expect a mixed bag of emotions and responses from them. I know that I am a mixed bag of emotions myself, but I am swinging towards the "I wish I didn't have to get up and go to work" state of being right now. Knowing that I will be able to sleep when I want and turn over when I have a rough night for a couple of months seems very luxurious. For now, th...

Ah, my primary nemesis, we meet again. Standing in front of you, I feel shame and disappointment in myself - not anger, but the more cutting disappointment. It is entirely my own fault - I set deadlines and timelines and then listen as they whoosh by my head. I have a project that I wanted to get started last month, but that didn't happen, and this month's deadline came and went without any sort of movement towards accomplishing the project. Other things have taken precedent, so I have accomplished other stuff, but that poor project is just sitting there, neglected and crying out for attention. That is my usual pattern with my side job - it gets buried in the mass of things I have to get finished for my main job. Today, I have a bunch of chores to get started and finished surrounding a trip to the theater to see The Devil Wears Prada 2. I have to get multi-vitamins and avocado mash as well as my regular grocery order, then come home and put the groceries away before heading to ...

It is finally Friday, and that means one individual and two groups to go before the weekend is upon me. I am getting ready for a crop night at my local craft store where I will do something for the time that we are going to be there. I have to go straight after work, so I have to figure out what I will need to take with me before I leave. I am up to two boxes and a backpack to lug out to my car and transport to and from work before using it all tonight. These are the types of things that keep me going when I am needing a creative boost. This evening will be hosted by the craft store, but we can work on anything we want to work on - with 15% off any purchases all night! I have done one of these already, and I am looking forward to this one. Before I get there, though, I have to get through my last two groups and that individual session. It is also the deadline for talent show submissions, and I only have three submissions so far. I will cancel if I don't get more people interested. ...

Happy Thursday, all. It is time to think a bit about stuff going on in the music therapy world - well, at least stuff that I know about. I am no longer a member of the American Music Therapy Association. This is my second year of not paying membership dues, but I still get all the emails and announcements. I was thinking about my separation from this organization yesterday because a job that I felt I would be good at but ultimately decided not to apply for was filled and announced. I have a little bit of jealousy about someone else getting this position, but I am also relieved that I did not apply. I left the organization because it was feeling less like a professional advocacy organization promoting music therapy for persons we serve and more like a political action organization demanding socio-political changes in the greater world. I do not feel like a professional organization should be making political statements about situations that are not directly related to the profession. No...

I am tired. This probably doesn't surprise you as it appears to be a recurring theme on this blog, but I am. We have seventeen days before kids start their summer break. Thirteen days of work between now and week off and then I have sixteen more days of work before I am finished. I received my exit paperwork in the mail yesterday. I have information about my final paycheck and an exit interview survey as well as some information about Cobra. I have an interview with an insurance broker to see if I can get health insurance from the government site starting on July 1, There are all sorts of things that are now on my to-do list that weren't there two days ago, so I have lots to get done. My students are exhausting right now. There isn't a day when everyone is content and happy to be in music therapy. I have had to sing over screaming for a long time now, and it is so difficult to navigate loud students. Most of the issues that have happened started outside of music therapy and...

It is Tuesday, so let's talk about a therapy technique that I have used over my many years as a music therapist. That's right. It is  Therapy Technique Tuesday !!  Today's technique is the negotiable/non-negotiable threshold. Are you ready?? I work with adolescents. My adolescents are very angry when boundaries and expectations are placed upon them. When they get angry, my adolescents tend to become aggressive, confrontational, and just plain mean. As a result, over the past thirty some odd years, I have learned to offer choices for things that just do not really matter to how music therapy sessions work. I call these my negotiables. The things that do matter are my non-negotiables.  Non-negotiables include anything that will harm self, others, or property. Non-negotiables also include how we speak to others, even when we are escalated or angry. These non-negotiables are things that I have to keep under control due to safety needs and requirements. Other things are comple...

I wrote on both Thursday and Friday last week, but I didn't post on the blog. I do that sometimes, especially when what I am writing about is either too personal or too negative for my tastes. So, the past four days have just been time for resting and getting sick AGAIN! This time around, I have to get antibiotics early so I don't end up losing more money due to illness. This is Star Wars week, and I am ready to share my love of these movies with my students for the last time at my current job! I have new R2D2 Crocs to wear with my various Star Wars shirts. To say that I am a Star Wars fan is a pablum type way to describe my love of this franchise. I have a Star Wars bathroom that is accessed via a Star Wars hallway. I have posters and toys and Doorables and puzzle pictures and all sorts of things that I have collected over the years. What is in the hallway is just a small bit of my collection. It is finally time to share this with students again. I am exhausted and not really ...

There are two days left of the month of April. May is fast approaching, and I am not ready for all of this stuff! I have only two months left of my working life at my current job. That is wild! Meanwhile, my house is looking more and more cluttered as I bring home instruments, visuals, manipulatives, gross motor implements, and toys back to sit in my living room until I can find them another place to reside. I have accumulated lots of things in my work life, so I am faced with lots of inquiries about whether I will use specific things again. I made progress on my organization on Sunday. I spent some time moving my music books and my music therapy textbooks into the library closet where they will reside from now on. I have a loose system happening there - nothing really formal yet, but sheet music arranged by type and textbooks arranged by subject area - sorta. I went through four large totes and convinced my brain that it is a good thing to throw things away. It really is. Once I can e...

This has been a rough couple of weeks at my place. We have had more assists in music therapy than in months and months of time. I have had to initiate an assist in the past seven days which ALWAYS makes me hesitant to return in a therapeutic relationship with clients. I really hate putting hands on clients who are in crisis and hurting self, others, and are creating significant property damage, but it is part of my job as music therapist at my facility. As a result, my own emotions have been out of control. We are all in a place of exhaustion and emotional lability, so it becomes more important for me to utilize my rational brain rather than my emotional brain when I am in the role of therapist. When there are emotional outbursts that lead to aggression and assists in my area, I tend to go into my own crisis cycle - my thinking becomes limited, my body braces for flight/fight/freeze responses, and I get into a tizzy. This has become more difficult to navigate lately - so many reasons w...

I woke up very early this morning. This is not unusual for a Monday morning, and I think there is a bit of time anxiety at work on these early mornings, but I still don't like it. Thunder is rumbling in the distance, and it looks like it might rain most of the day. The stormy weather might just be the reason behind my angst and wakefulness.  Ooh, that was a close lightning strike - loud thunder almost immediately after the flash.  I still have an hour before I need to leave for work, but I have a long list of things that I need to accomplish in that hour. Blogging is one of those things, but it is not the only thing that I have on my morning list. Once I am finished with the things that I have to finish up before I leave for work, I have to navigate 50 miles to my place of business in the storm. Once I get to work, it will be time to set up my April musician list for our sessions this week. It is time for leisure/choice time as well as for learning a bit about musicians who we...

It has been and interesting couple of days around here - I have been trying to find a copy of my birth certificate so I can send in my pension paperwork. I know I have three of them somewhere, but I cannot locate them anywhere. I have since purchased a fire-safe lock box to put these types of things in, but it doesn't arrive until Tuesday. After that, I will put the paperwork I have into that box so they are all contained in the same place. I am frustrated with myself at this point due to this, but I can always order more, if I need to. The thing is that I know I had them when I renewed my passport, and I have the new passport and the old one, so I know that my certificate was returned at some point, but I just cannot find the copy anywhere I thought it would be. Blech. I have, however, found lots of other things in my searches through my boxes of stuff. I need so much more space for all the junk that I have around me, but that isn't going to happen. I need to be downsizing. Th...

It is FINALLY Friday, and today will be a quiet one in the music therapy room. I have two groups and my individual session is cancelled due to an almost school-wide field trip. Storms went through my area last night and should be over for today - they will return tomorrow and Sunday - so my students can go frolic in the outside at a local farmstead. I am hoping for an upfront parking spot so I can fill my car with stuff from my storage area. I also have to head to the district office to get some paperwork notarized. I tried to do that yesterday - it was dismissal and a HUGE mistake! I did not get there and could not take my time to explore the area because of the countless cars, walkers, and buses that were in the way. I will head over there this morning to be notarized so I can send off paperwork that needs to be done soon. I've now wasted much of my early morning time searching for a copy of my birth certificate. I know I have one, but I don't know where it is. Where I though...

I am feeling crabby and cranky this morning - there are storms coming in quickly, and I have not been sleeping well lately. Both of those things are contributing to my mood and my attitude as I am getting ready for my morning commute. It is Thursday which means that I have four groups today and then two groups tomorrow. My individual session will be cancelled due to a field trip tomorrow, so I will have a little bit more time to clean and organize things. I have been trying to bring things home slowly, but it is time to ramp up the purge. Nine weeks left after tomorrow to get my stuff back here. Emotions are running high at work right now. The aforementioned field trip has become a matter of contention for so many, including the principal who sent out an email about making sure that state testing was finished or no trip! So, there must be some folks who have not finished their state testing yet. As an educational enrichment specialist, I do not have to worry about state testing (whew -...

So, I will be leaving my current job in nine and a half weeks. I am retiring and am struggling a bit with the lack of direction in my near future. At the same time, though, I am a bit energized by this opportunity to go do something else. As part of this, I am going to list some of the things that I will not miss about my current job... I will not miss the following: Prohibition of balloons - it will be nice to have a bit of flexibility when it comes to using balloons in music therapy sessions. I have so many balloon therapeutic music experiences (TMEs) that I have not been able to use because we don't have balloons around due to choking risks. Lack of communication - At least when I am working for myself, I will know all the things happening. "Happy children making happy sounds." - Ugh. I had an ineffective principal who liked to use platitudes rather than engage in complete sentences. She once told me that she didn't care what I did in music therapy as long as the f...

If you have never seen the movie, What About Bob?,  starring Bill Murray and Richard Dreyfuss, I recommend that you find it and watch it. It is a silly take on the therapeutic relationship (which goes pretty wrong during the movie). While I am thankful that none of my clients have had that sort of focus on me, there are parts of the movie that have enriched my understanding of being in the role of therapist. One of the things that has stuck is the terminology of the therapist who recommends that the client focus on the smallest of steps to get through what appears to be unsurmountable issues. The term is "babystepping," as in "Don't focus on what you have to do to go to a meeting. Focus on the smallest step. Stand up. Walk to the closet. Select clothing." Each one of those steps is a babystep, and this is a concept that helps me navigate my world as well as helping me interact with my clients in music therapy sessions. My clients and I share a need for technique...

I am in a "hurry up and wait" stage. I have to wait to find out when my sliding glass door will be fixed. I am waiting for people to send presentation proposals for consideration for the music therapy conference focusing on clinical innovations for working with adolescents ( here is the link for more information ). I am waiting for the pollen to stop taking over my life. I am waiting for major life changes. There is lots of waiting happening right now, and I am just trying my best to be patient. It is not easy to be patient these days. I am exhausted and uninterested in much of anything. I will be traveling to my stuffy, humid, and hot room to do something with clients who will not be comfortable and will act out because of their comfort level. I cannot seem to please anyone these days. I also have very little motivation to create things for my clients. I have no idea what we are going to do this week. Now, I know that this is because it is April, and we are all tired, but I ...

It is time to start my next project - the Rhythm to Results: Clinical Innovations in Music Therapy with Adolescents virtual conference!! This is another labor of love and something that I have wanted to do for a long, LONG time. It is now time, and I am starting the process. To begin with, we have a call for presentations open right now. We are seeking clinical music therapists to share techniques, interventions, therapeutic music experiences, and session ideas in our online format. If you work with adolescents, please consider submitting a presentation proposal by June 5, 2026 at 11:59 CDT! We intend to offer 9 CMTEs for this conference (pending CBMT approval, of course), and we also intend to make this available for $90.00 USD. Those who do not want to earn CMTEs will be able to purchase conference access for $20.00 USD. Presenters will get free registration and 8 free CMTEs in addition to CMTEs for their presentation. Are you interested in presenting? Check out this page on the web...

A Disney movie that I love is Meet the Robinsons . If you are not familiar with it, it is about science and experimentation and finding a family. It is a movie that is creative and not just a remake of something that Disney has already done (I am VERY anti-live action remakes of cartoon classics!). Throughout the movie, the theme of Keep Moving Forward comes up again and again, and is finally echoed in a quotation from Walt Disney (no date to attribution) -  “Around here, however, we don’t look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things, because we’re curious… and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.” Curiosity is something that comes and goes for me. At the moment, I am curious about the world of music therapy beyond my role, but I am not feeling able to engage outside the four walls where I do music therapy. I have dreams for what I want to do, but limited knowledge of how to get there. I am still curious about it all. What do...

My apologies for not writing more this week. The urge was there, but the rants were just ongoing, and I felt that I did not need to express my angst and challenges in this forum. Blech. In the past five days, we have had tornadoes close to work, large hail that damaged work vehicles, lots of rain leading to flooding, branches down, kids in safety shelter past their bedtimes twice, crabbiness from everyone when asked to do basic tasks like sitting in a chair. Personally, I am still not feeling well - I feel better, but not well. I have not been able to get myself going or find any motivation to get anything finished. To top it all off, my gardeners broke my sliding glass door last night, so now I have to figure out how to navigate repairs. They will be paying to replace the door since they broke it. I feel bad that it will cost them so much money, but at the same time, I don't have money for something someone else broke. The best thing is that it just broke the outside panel so my h...

Yesterday, I returned to my office and email after a week of sick time. Buried in my emails was a request from the district office for information about what I will be doing after I retire from my school based music therapy job at the end of June. I am not entirely sure how to respond because I really do not know what I will be doing from July 1 on. To be honest, these types of questions cause me so much angst that I just shut down when asked. I don't know what I am going to do. All I know is that I am going to spend some time just resting and getting my house in order before I go outside of my house to find some employment. I find it a bit funny that the district office (which has completely ignored me for 25 years) now wants to know a bit about me as I am skipping out the door. For now, though, I am starting to get nervous about not having a plan. My financial advisor says that I can take a couple of years without needing outside employment, but I have no idea how that is possibl...