music, therapy, and me

I admit, I am not a fan of this day, and I feel it every single year. I am not interested in dressing up or opening my door to trick-or-treaters. I am just not interested in much of this at all. I thought about doing a costume, but I just haven't done anything for the parade this afternoon. I am supposed to get something to hand out to my students, but I am not sure that I will. Communication about things does not often get through to the people that need to know the information. Also, the week of Halloween is always a rough week in education, and throw in many layers of diagnoses and things get so much more complex. There are things that will happen, and we have some who are forgetting that our students do not have any good concept of cause and effect and do not respond well to threats of taking things away based on behavior choices. So, there have been so many tantrums over statements like, "You haven't earned the Halloween party," and "You just lost your Hallo

This is the first year of my seventh certification cycle as a board-certified music therapist. I am going to say, right now, that I usually send in my CMTEs once per cycle, and usually at the end of year four, and that I usually spend very little money on my CMTEs. I take full advantage of all the opportunities for collecting free continuing music therapy education credits. So, if you are a MT-BC who has gone through your first certification cycle (at least), you can skip this paragraph, but if you haven't gone through a recertification process, let's talk a bit about how to get CMTEs. You do not have to pay money for every single CMTE that you have to get to continue your certification. You can get many credits for things that you might already be doing. It is always a good idea to submit things that you are not sure about because the worst thing that CBMT can say is that there is no clear link to the Board Certification Domains. The good news is that almost everything that yo

As you probably know by now, I have closed the internship program that I ran for 25 years. It has been a long time since I have had a viable applicant, and intern #36 graduated in January, so there was no real reason to keep it open anymore. To be honest, I am not really missing the role of internship director.  Is that a bad thing to admit? I'm working through the feelings and guilt and all that accompanies a life-changing decision, and I've had two in the past three months. This was the most recent. So, with two life-changing decisions happening in the span of 12 weeks, I am having to change my habits and my focus for specific things. It is interesting. I have started the process of going through the resources that I have collected solely for the purpose of my interns to use. Now that there are no more interns, these resources can be reintegrated into my professional library or given away. I have moved my Internship jump drive off the jump drive key ring at work and brought i

Some time ago, I set myself a TME challenge and then found it difficult to keep up with because I was really disinterested in the challenge itself. This happens to me on a regular basis. I set myself a challenge and then don't bother to do it. I still try, though. Perhaps I just like failing - who knows? I do, though, continue to develop new TMEs (the term that I use to describe what I do with my clients during sessions - therapeutic music experiences), I just don't write them down which is a shame because I could easily get my TME challenge finished if I just sat down and wrote them.That is where the difficulty lies - sitting down and writing my ideas down. I have started to look around for a music notation app that I can use on various devices to help me finish up my notation and that allows me to hear the rhythms the way they need to be presented. This is the most time-consuming part of any composition for me - getting the rhythm on the page to match the rhythm in my head. A

It is Saturday - my day of rest. I went back to sleep this morning after waking at 3:47 (my parent's street number - always feels lucky to me) and slept until 5:30 am. I rarely go back to sleep when I wake up, so I felt that it was a good sign that I was able to get a bit more shuteye. I have now finished a task for the Online Conference for Music Therapy, Inc . and am finishing up some of my chores for that organization. There are only 97 days left before the next online conference. Will you be there? Apparently, my brain is moving faster than my fingers are this morning. I am backspace typing quite a bit, so it is time to slow down. Take a couple of deep breaths and focus on one thing at a time. It probably doesn't help that I am eating M&Ms at the computer right here rather than finding some protein. Ah, the ramifications of the choices I make right here, right now! Isn't that the way? Everything I do has ramifications for me and for others. Now, writing while under

Last night, I had an insomnia night. This is probably because I went off my allergy medications (I ran out) but these happen every so often even when I am not coming down off my allergy medication side effects. I have learned not to fight these nights. They go much better when I just use my time and don't stress about not sleeping. I will be heading to work with limited sleep, but that's okay. I decided to do a low demand session format. I did not set up my centers. I just did not feel like I could do it this week. I just did not have the interest or the energy after missing two days of work this week and missing a school day last week (the other day I missed last week was an inservice day). To add to the entire situation, I am still having some side effects from my medical procedure last week, and I also have lots of unknowns happening as well as a result of said procedure. So, a full brain, limited sleep, and a low demand session series ahead of me lends itself to an interest

For the past two days, I have been at home, waiting for a medication that I need to take before heading back to work due to contagion. I finally have the medication, so I get to go back to work today after four days away from my job. The first two days off were planned, but the last two days were not. I no longer want to do centers with my groups - they feel like too much work right now for my brain and body to accomplish, but I will need to find something for my next ten groups to do in the next two days. I have done very little here at home for the past two days. I have started chapter six of the internship handbook that I am writing, but I have mainly just laid around, reading books and watching old television shows. I am more than ready to head back to work now that I am no longer contagious. I refuse to be Patient Zero with contagion, so I stay home until I am clear to return. My brain, though, needs more stimulation than I get when I am at home. So, when I get to work, I have to

I am the type of therapist who thinks that it is better to save some money and spend some time to make tools rather than paying for something someone else makes. Blame my mom who learned it from her mom who learned it from her mom and so on and so forth. We have always made things that we needed - not just for the therapy space (Mom and I are therapists - the other generations were not) - but for everything. So, back when I had clients who needed pervasive levels of support to accomplish some of our music therapy goals, I was looking for ways to assist my clients in holding and using mallets and handled percussion instruments that did not take all of my budget. Adaptive cuffs were appropriate, but they dissolved quickly - there was something about the glue that put the Velcro onto the foam that just disintegrated quickly when washed and disinfected. I did not have the money to spend $20+ dollars every month for each of the cuffs that I needed, so I went to the design board to see if I

I have officially ended my time as an internship director at my facility. Due to this, I am seeking a different focus for the next several months (at least) and will focus on my growing general internship handbook. By the way, I have published the fifth chapter in my Teachers Pay Teachers (TPT) store - you can find the link  here . I am getting ready to start putting these together into bundles - one for the first three chapters and another for the next part of the handbook - the parts about what to expect when you get to your internship and actually start working as an intern. Chapter Six is in the formulation stage - I am trying to think about the things that my interns have found challenging during their first several months as interns and write about those things. I am enjoying this process of writing something for music therapy students and interns to use. I know that it will not cover every situation completely, but I will try to get as much about internships written as I can. I

One of the things that I find to be helpful with my client population (children, adolescents, and young adults with dual diagnoses) is repetition of phrases, lyrics, and music. As a result of 30+ years of working with this population in various iterations, I have found that my clients respond the most to songs with three repeated phrases to prime their responses with a different phrase to communicate the important part of the experience. DISCLAIMER: This is not a definite way to write music for clinical interactions. This is what seems to work well with my particular group of human beings. Don't go to your supervisors and tell them that I told you that this is the ONLY way to write music - It is NOT! You have to find what works for your clients and for their clinical goals. Since my clients respond well to this type of song, I tend to write songs in this format more than any other. What I have found is that my clients remember these songs more than the ones that I do in different f

I have today and tomorrow off for a medical procedure, so it is time to do some reflection to keep myself from going into an anxiety spiral. The next two days are going to be lots of "hurry up and wait" situations, so I have to spend some time engaged in distracting myself so I don't eat and so I take what I need to take when I need to take it. So, I am going to focus on what is happening in my music therapy space right now. This week is my music education focus week. I have a different focus for every week to help me organize and to give us all a starting point. Within those foci, I tend to vary my treatment to reflect what is happening with each group that comes into my space. I figure a session is a success if clients leave in a calm manner after their time with me, so I use that as my focus for treatment. I do what I feel I need to do to get clients to that point. There are times when I throw out my determined focus the moment the group enters the room. There are othe

I have a medical procedure on Friday that is coming together, and I am mildly disappointed in the efficiency of my new insurance which was my last hope for getting out of this situation. Even the transportation aspect has come together, darn it!  I have white coat anxiety - I've had it since birth - really. I am going to get ready for this procedure tomorrow at home. I have my preparation materials and the instructions, but I am not looking forward to anything about this situation. I cannot cancel it again. I already did that once this year, and this HAS to get done. So, I will have a miserable couple of days as I get ready, go through, and then recover from this procedure. These days will be full of anxious tears, too many breakdowns about how horrible I feel, and then some glimmers of pride that I am getting myself to and from the appointment. This is the most adult thing that I have to do, and it terrifies me! In the meantime, I am just trying to keep myself going forward. I hav

I feel my age this week. This is not a usual situation for me. I usually either feel younger than my age or older than my age - not exactly my age. This week, though, I feel my age. I have been figuring out that there are some things that I used to do without a thought that I can no longer do easily. I used to spend most of my Fridays engaged in running games. Not anymore. Same with sitting on the floor and hopping up when I needed to get going. Rather than dwell on what I can no longer do the way I used to do things, I am trying to think about the things that I can do now that I was unable to do then. With age comes wisdom, right? Right?? I think I have gained lots of knowledge and practice experience in my 31 years of professional work, including learning about what type of therapist I do not want to be. This has been a good thing to learn - I know what I do not want, but knowing what I want is still a bit elusive. I think that is a good state to be in. So, what is it that I want out

Blech. I haven't been able to write much of anything in the past week, except for a chapter of my general internship text. That has taken over my focus, and I uploaded it to my TPT store on Saturday. I am trying to finish this text - one chapter at a time - before the end of the school year. I am hoping that someone out there will read it and use it in their internships to strengthen their internship experience. The next chapter will be about conflict resolution. Just wanted you all to know that I am still out here, and I am still trying to think about what to write about. I will figure it out, eventually, but I am still in the process of thinking about where I want to put my energy.

Today's post will probably be a short one since I am in the throes of an allergy attack, trying to get on allergy medications, and debating whether I should call in sick this morning or not. I don't think I will - I can be miserable at work as well as here at home, but I have to figure out what to do with five groups of students while I am not feeling well. There is no provision about having to stay at home when you have a runny nose and a killer sinus headache like there is when you are running a temperature, so I will be heading out into the world to sneeze and wheeze and hack and moan. Anyway, this is my second post on Mondays about no longer having an internship program. I got a request from a student on Friday about applying. It was bittersweet to have to tell the student that I have closed down. I have a feeling that more of these conversations will happen now that the AMTA symposium has finished and it is internship hunting season for seniors. I just could no longer deal

My word for this year is "play." I select a word each year that helps me focus on self-improvement. In the past, I have had many words designed to inspire me to do more. Before this year started, I decided that I was tired of self-improvement, and I wanted to spend more time on things that I found fun. So, I decided that "play" was my word back at the end of 2023. As we enter the last quarter of 2024, it is time to start thinking about what I want to be doing this next year. I have enjoyed the focus on finding things that are fun and help me play with things and people. I want to continue this focus, so I will be looking at different words and ideas for what I want to do in 2025. One of the reasons I chose the word "play" as my focus is professional in nature. I was not feeling happy with how things were going in my music therapy practice. I was feeling creatively blocked at a level that is not my normal. I wanted to find my first love again - doing things

I am celebrating my life changes right now - giving up things that I no longer want to do and finding new things to help me fill some time. This process is not one that I was anticipating in this year, but I have learned to go with the flow of life rather than fight against it too much. Well, I still fight it as evidenced by my constant nattering about things in the music therapy world, but you know - I am getting better. There are so many things to feel grateful for in this point of my life, but there are also so many things to mourn. I am trying to do both at the same time while continuing my journey as a music therapist. I am enjoying the concept of changing my work schedule to work only my contract hours rather than internship hours. I like knowing that I will be able to leave my workplace at 3:15 every day. This means some more time at home each day which is taking some getting used to, but is nice. I like having more afternoon time. Right now, I want to fill up that time with som

Twenty-five years (to the day) from when I welcomed my first intern to my internship program, I closed the program. It is time for me to move back into being a therapist without the added stressors present when you are a solo internship supervisor and director. It has been about a year since I have had viable applicants. The one person who actually finished an application and went through the audition decided not to move to Kansas for her internship. So, I am taking the lack of interest and lack of support from our professional organization as the signal that now is the time to move into another way of doing this job. I am processing this decision and am grieving it at the same time. This has been a season of leaving things - a job, now my internship program. I am tired of things changing, but my rational mind knows that change leads to growth and difference which is not a bad thing, it is just a new thing to navigate. My sister and mom keep reassuring me that I will find other things

I have to be honest with you, I am running out of ideas for this theme. Actually, an idea just popped into my head, so here it goes. I live in a world of broken instruments. My clients are very good at destruction and not very good at being gentle with fragile instruments and materials. While I do work on proper playing techniques and making choices about which instruments my clients are able to use during sessions, there are times when an instrument breaks. In addition, most of my handheld percussion is over 20 years old, so things wear down and break due to being used. So, it is not unusual for me to have a bunch of instruments waiting to be repaired, replaced, or thrown out. I tend to be a repairer rather than a replacer. As a result, I have some things in my clinic that I cannot live without when it comes to repairing instruments. In no particular order, here is my list of things that help me extend the life of various instruments and materials: Super glue - oh, dear. This is a gre