Reinventing Yourself

There are some things that happen in a lifetime that are difficult to understand. One of those things is the phenomenon of changing your personality to suit someone else. There are natural times to change: starting a new school, changing jobs, moving your home, starting a new relationship, but I always have questions about the need or impulse to change.

My personality includes many contradictions (as I am sure many of ours do). I am a bit perfectionistic ("Ha," my sister, the equally perfectionistic is saying, "A BIT???"). I am a mess when it comes to housecleaning. I have lots of ideas, but often peter out when it comes to implementing these ideas. I enjoy new experiences, but do not often seek those new experiences. I will travel anywhere, as long as I have a job - most of my "vacations" have something to do with my vocation. I am, at heart, a person who enjoys structure and patterns. I like knowing how my friends are going to react if I make a comment. I am also an introvert everywhere except in front of an anonymous crowd (go figure!). Put me in a small room with a bunch of strangers, and I am the one sitting on the edge, sipping a ginger ale. I do not do well in small social settings - one of my limitations in so many ways. It takes me a long time to make strong friendships, and once I feel I have a good friend, I will do anything it takes to keep in touch with that friend, no matter where we are. If I feel betrayed, I can walk away from the relationship with regret, but with little interest in continuing the contact.

I have tried, with varying success, to change my personality to fit the people around me. In the end, however, I feel most comfortable being myself - flaws, foibles, and all. I have to be authentic to the self that has developed, otherwise my true friendships are forever altered. I believe that people enjoy me better when I am truly myself rather than when I am attempting to put on an act.

It distresses me when I see others completely reinventing the perfectly fine versions of themselves to accommodate the expectations that others have of them. It is one thing to want to be the best you can be, but does it have to be the best version of what someone else wants you to be? I've tried fit into the expected mold. It was not a comfortable fit, and I decided to break away from that mold. It has caused LOADS of stress, but in the end, I feel that I have made the best choice for me as a human being. I know I can't change the expectations, but I can choose not to participate. I can also choose to try to make the mold fit me - and, believe me, if I could, I would!

Be true to yourself. Be true to your SELF.

I am trying.

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