I Am Not Looking Forward to This

It is Wednesday, and I have to face "that" client again.

You know the one. The one client that challenges me more than anyone else at the moment. The one who resists every single interaction. The one who would rather not do what others want to do. The one who disrupts the therapeutic process so much that no one in the group gets any benefit from being present. The one who is not able to respond to group therapy due to the extreme behaviors of concern that have become routine.

I did some data review yesterday on "that" client. My location is not the only place these behaviors of concern occur. That was good to see, but we have had four significant incidents in the past month that have disrupted instructional time to the point of affecting two classes rather than just one. I am dreading the next two sessions with "that" client because it affects more than just me and "that" client. I do not feel like I can do the job that I want to do when I am having to navigate the situation of "that" client screaming and struggling when anyone does something - anything "that" client does not like.

I started talking about the trauma that the faculty and staff at my school face on a regular basis in yesterday's post. We have so much that we have to navigate when working with clients who have failed in their previous environments. The number of behaviors of concern that would cause the clients to be suspended from school or arrested in the community that occur in our school is large. Many of my clients have learned these patterns of behavior as ways of surviving in their environments, but some have learned that these patterns of behavior are ways to get what they want rather than having to do the things they do not want to do.

I am exhausted after sessions with "that" client - mainly because I am always on the boundary between "this is okay" and "this is a total @#@%show." As soon as one session is over, I have to go into another session, trying my best to provide an accepting space and therapeutic environment for my new clients arriving for their group services. The need to constantly switch between hyperarousal and a calm demeanor is ever present. This wears away at my energy and my ability to do what I need to do in my sessions.

Two more sessions with "that" client before a two week break.

I found out yesterday - not from my supervisor, by the way - that I am losing one of my storage spaces. My room was 60 degrees (F) when I arrived yesterday and raised to 66 degrees at the end of the day. So many things are piling up that I am not handling anything well. When other things pile onto the already shaky foundation that is my ability to do my job right now, I tend to crash. 

This is not what I want, but it happens more often than not these days.

I will use my mantra today before my sessions start. "Please help me be the best therapist I can be for the clients who come before me." I will remember that my location is not the only place "that" client struggles with significant behaviors of concern. I will remember that things are not always personal, even when they feel personal. I will do what I can do to process the emotions that occur in me when I am faced with situations that I cannot control.

Before all that, though, I need to take a shower and drive to work. I have a couple of packages waiting upstairs to bring in, so that is on the agenda. Things are piling up on my plate. There you go.

Time to get going on my day. I hope that your Wednesday is better than mine is going to be...

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