Windy Wednesday
I had one client who cried throughout music therapy yesterday. We don't know why, but the client was presenting with a positive affect until entering the music therapy room when the client started to wail. This client does not do this often, so it was a mystery to us all. The client is non-speaking, so trying to figure it all out was difficult. I always want to change a sad mood into a happier mood, but there are times when we just need to wallow.
Have you ever seen the episode of The Middle where Frankie is trying to have a good cry? Everything in her life interferes with her attempts to cry out everything that is happening in her body. I have days like that - the only thing that helps me release emotion, hormones, stress, and grief is to cry. Fortunately, that is one of the reasons that I love my long, quiet commutes.
I was sitting in my office space the other day, and tears just started up. I was sitting in my space, all by myself, crying. It was a combination of exhaustion, allergy, medications, and missing my dad. Yesterday was my parents' anniversary, and I've been missing my dad lots and lots lately. Crying seemed to be the best option for me in that moment, and the tears spilled over.
Ooh. The thunder and lightning is centered close to my home right now. Some of the thunderclaps are shaking all of my windows pretty severely. There isn't much time between the lightning flash and the thunder. I have to get out and drive in this in a bit, but the weather channel is saying that the storm will pass by 6am, so I won't have to drive in it long - unless, of course, the storm is moving towards work...
Back to the topic at hand.
There are times when I need to sit down and have a good cry. There are times when I need to have a little bit of M&Ms. There are times when I need a squeeze machine and for everyone to stop calling me on my phone! (That was Monday AND Tuesday this week - everyone was calling me, multiple times per day, for services that they wanted to give me!) There are times when I need to be alone and away from other people. I also have days where I crave being around other people. I am a mercurial being - as are we all, right?
My client yesterday was needing something, but I was not able to give that something. I tried several different things, but nothing I did made a difference in the emotional response of my client. It made me very emotional. I wanted to help my client move to a different emotional response, but the client did not appear to want to move. Eventually, I had to turn my attention to other things and to just support my client in the emotional state.
Why is it that emotions are things that I often want to change rather than just to inhabit? Are you like that? Are you uncomfortable when others are crying or angry or showing emotions that we, as society, often discourage? I try not to be, but it is something that challenges me, especially in group settings.
I am a crier. I always have been. I cried often in junior high - a combination of bullying from a peer and a band director who called attention to my responses to the bullying. Even now, when I get angry, I cry. I don't yell or scream. I do, on occasion, throw things, but I cry more often than anything else. Yet, I feel uncomfortable when my clients cry. I want to soothe. I want to assist. I want to change their emotions to something less distressful. It is difficult for me to allow my clients to be in their emotions without trying to intervene, but I don't want intervention when I am crying. I just want and need to cry.
I don't know how to end this particular post, so I am just going to let you know that I will probably cry a couple of times today. I can feel those tears building up in my body. I will try to support any tears from the clients I work with today in a way that supports their emotional states without trying to change the states or them. Support without judging. We will see how it goes.
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