The Heebie-Jeebies

For some reason, I am having the heebie-jeebies today. 

I don't know why, and this may be a side effect of all the medication that I am taking right now, but I am jumpier than usual and a bit over-responsive to the news and commentaries that I am accessing. This is probably a function of said medication and a bit about the political climate that we live in, but for whatever reason, I am going through it. 

I thoroughly dislike this feeling of general uneasiness that comes over me with the heebie-jeebies. It's like something is out there, just waiting to take over, and I know it is out there, but I am trying to avoid it. This is the theme of every anxiety dream that I have lately - hiding and avoiding things and people who annoy me.

I don't know if I am feeling this way due to the medications or because the world is disintegrating around us all or because my brain is just wanting to take me on a ride. It is a mystery.

No matter how I'm feeling, today is a work day, so I will be heading off into the world this morning to do some cultural awareness programming with students. We will be learning a little bit about the country of Vietnam this week. We do 24 countries in a two year rotation, so we last learned about Vietnamese music and instruments back in April 2023. It is nice to have all of the resources ready to go without much need for working. This is one advantage to thematic programming - once you get it organized, you can replicate it with little need for more time investment. The initial time involved in creating thematic programming is worth it when you can arrive at work two years later and just run the theme without having to find the time to strategize. Whoo-hoo!

This means that I have more time to do administrative tasks in my clinical space. I made some progress in my office space after hearing that maintenance would NOT be finishing my leaky other space until after our spring rains. They have not found anyone to seal the roof yet, so there is the potential for more leaks in that room. This keeps me from completing everything that I need to do with moving things back and forth across the space. At least I know now why my ceiling tiles are the only ones that are still missing from January's incident. I don't want to bring kids in to play with the drum set until those things are finished, but I also cannot wait forever.

I am going to do the things that I know will help me with the heebie-jeebies today. Some journaling, some sitting in the hallway near the windows, some songwriting, and some task box work. I have five groups and a reward session to do today. It will be a busy and not busy day at the same time. This evening, I have a Zoom webinar about taxes for musicians and creatives. It is my fervent hope that I will have to report income from my music therapy resources and creative endeavours soon. At this point, I do not make enough money from either to really worry about it! Someday!! For now, though, it is good to be aware of what is needed to remain within the letter of the (current) law.

Time to feed my brain and my body in ways to help me control those thoughts jumping up and down on my brain. It is time to get myself moving into the rest of my morning routine. See you tomorrow.

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