Things Are Coming Together - Darn It!

I have a medical procedure on Friday that is coming together, and I am mildly disappointed in the efficiency of my new insurance which was my last hope for getting out of this situation. Even the transportation aspect has come together, darn it! 

I have white coat anxiety - I've had it since birth - really. I am going to get ready for this procedure tomorrow at home. I have my preparation materials and the instructions, but I am not looking forward to anything about this situation. I cannot cancel it again. I already did that once this year, and this HAS to get done.

So, I will have a miserable couple of days as I get ready, go through, and then recover from this procedure. These days will be full of anxious tears, too many breakdowns about how horrible I feel, and then some glimmers of pride that I am getting myself to and from the appointment. This is the most adult thing that I have to do, and it terrifies me!

In the meantime, I am just trying to keep myself going forward. I have to spend some time getting my sessions for next week coordinated today before I leave for the week. It will be center week next week, so I have to figure out how I am going to coordinate the centers for most of my classes. That will keep me going until I get home and stop eating for the next two days. I am going to get fast food for breakfast, and I might get fast food for dinner as well.

So, I have a round trip ride arranged for Friday and my bag full of preparation medications. I have two days off from work starting tomorrow morning. I will spend some time resting, some time cleaning, and some time just crying. I will also take out and bring the trash cans in after they get emptied. I need to do dishes and laundry during my time off as well.

Crying is my major way of releasing my stress hormones. I've always cried during confrontations, fearful situations, and anxious moments, so it's what I do. I cry.

Well, this is making me tense, so I am going to stop for today. I hope to see you tomorrow!

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