Thoughtful Thursday: I Goofed, and I Need to Fix My Goof

Yesterday, I did something that I should not have done, and now I need to fix it.

Today is our annual "Let's hype kids up on sugar and forbidden caffeine and send them into a world of unstructured and forced fun" day, and I hate this day with a passion. Unfortunately, I shared that hatred of the day with my interns yesterday in a frustration-fueled rant that I think may have caused them to not be able to think of this day as fun at all. That's my goof and what I need to apologize for today.

I got bogged down into the mire about my personal feelings about this debacle of a day, and I spewed that all over my interns who have not had a chance to experience this for themselves. I treated them more like long-time co-workers than like impressionable learners, and I am not feeling good about that fact. So, I will go in an apologize to them about my attitude yesterday. They will do what interns will do, and they will sat that everything is okay, but it isn't. I know that I crossed a boundary, even if they do not know that.

There is a danger in forgetting the power differential that exists between intern and supervisor. My interns cannot be my friends while they are under my supervision. That's just the fact. Now that we are all sharing the same office space, I have to remember that I cannot just spew my opinions about things all over their impressionable minds.

So, I goofed.

Now, what am I going to do about it? I am going to sit them down and explain that I should not have told them my opinions about what is happening today but should have given them a chance to experience it without my prejudice slopping all over the place (I will not use those exact words - I'll work out something more serious while I drive to work this morning). I will then separate them from me today so they can experience what happens on this day without my cloud of frustration.

Through all of this apologizing, I have to remember a couple of things. First of all, it is not my job to produce mini-me therapists who function exactly like me. I am not to try to turn my interns into my mirror images. They are individuals who are here to become the best that they can be rather than following my book of "How Things Are Done." Second, I am a human which means that I make mistakes. The way to start to fix this situation is to own up to it, apologize, and strive to do better next time. It is time for some personal processing and strategizing on where to dump my thoughts without spewing them all over the office area.

Well, it is now time to head off into the world where I will be playing music for the cupcake walk (because nothing is better than filling our students full of sugar...stop, MJ...this is how I ended up in this situation...). It is the second to last day of the regular school year, the last day with students, and a non-therapy day. It is time to try to frame my attitude into something more positive than what I am feeling. It is time to apologize for messing up and to strive to do better in the future.

Happy Thursday. 

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