Too Much Self-Initiated Drama Happening Here...

So, after yesterday's dread of a specific session, everything went fine. I had a couple of cuss words thrown my direction and one student getting upset because I wouldn't let him leave to get a drink of water (it was 3 minutes before the end of the session, mind you), but the rest of the day went pretty well. I ended up doing all the sessions yesterday because my intern was sick, so I had to plan for four groups instead of two. I enjoyed working with one group that I haven't led since my intern has arrived and taken over. It was refreshing to move into that session and play with my students.

I then went to Occupational Therapy where my OTR/L is starting the termination process in a gentle manner. She told me that my tendon finger may never straighten out again. She is also working on strengthening both fingers so that I can do things with my hands without pain. I haven't made it to that point yet. I can play guitar (with pain) but I cannot barre chords yet and my finger dexterity has suffered greatly. It is difficult to do fast movements with two of my five fingers on my left hand - which is and always has been my strongly dominant side of my body. I soldier on, reminding myself that pain is part of progress.

Yep...that's what I tell myself.

Most of what I stress about and ruminate on and get upset about is all instigated by me, but some it is not. Unfortunately, the most seriously stressful things in my life right now are not under any of my control...which leads me to more stress...which leads me to trying to find control in small things that add up to big things...and the list goes on and on and on.

Does anyone else find this to be true or is this a truly unique, Mary Jane kind of thing?

I often wonder.

I found out yesterday that our adminstration's ideas about a "regular schedule" means "do exactly what you have been doing, but let's do more of it with more kids per group and no consideration about COVID-19 because you are getting your second dose of the vaccine on Friday and won't have to worry about the virus spreading through your classroom even though most of the students are under the age of 18." Okay. I guess I now know how to plan sessions for the next five weeks. That's really all that I wanted to know. A plan. Now that I have the plan, I am making small adjustments to see what I can get started up again. As I stated at some point recently, I am trying to get some individual treatment sessions going. With the classroom changes, four out of my five scheduled sessions will have to change to accommodate new class schedules. The other one SHOULD be able to remain in place (I hope) unless the scheduling dominoes start to fall out of line. I have had to stop scheduling other individuals into place because we are getting ready to do a complete school reset and teachers will not really know their new schedules until about a week after we start it up. So, there is no point in trying until after the transition.

The anxiety attack I had last week about missing a mandatory staff meeting was completely unfounded since the meeting is this afternoon - so that was an evening spent in panic that was completely unnecessary. I'm glad to know that no one came looking for me because there was no reason for them to come looking for me. That makes me feel a bit better about my peers and a bit shameful for me for getting so upset with myself over something that was completely wrong! Then, I feel bad for feeling bad about myself and try to figure out ways to forgive myself and my overly ridiculous responses to missing things.

Today is my longest therapeutic day. Five groups to be present for (I only lead two of them, so I really can't complain, but it will be a busy day if my intern is sick again), one individual (there would be two, but the other individual is in quarantine right now and won't be back until after our classroom switch), and the usual work to do (notes, TME development, session strategizing, and all that stuff that is part of being a functioning professional), and after bus duty, the mandatory staff meeting to go over a program that I helped design over a year ago that we may FINALLY start to implement 12 months after we finalized it all. I get to watch someone else take credit for my work, but that's okay. The program is not popular with my co-workers, so I am perfectly fine to be the unsung villain in this process. I can commiserate rather than reveal that I am the author. Heh, heh. The sad thing is that I think this program will be good for our students, but I don't think it will ever get off the ground. There is too much resentment and resistance from the faculty to make this a priority.

I think today may be a "fast food for breakfast" type of day. It has been a while since I've had any grease in my diet, so I may just indulge.

I think I've run out of steam for my writing this morning AND it is only 5:08am. I still have an hour to just sit in the silence and look at my Christmas tree. Yep, I still have my Christmas tree up!! It's been a rough couple of months and the lights bring me happiness, so I may keep it up all year!! At least I won't have to decorate for the Christmas season in 11 months if I do! There you go!!