Making Sure of My Ideals and My Dreams

Today is Martin Luther King, Jr. Day and it is inauguration eve. These are two days that always inspire some reflection in me, and when they coincide, the reflections tend to be deeper than when they happen separately. This year, this reflection seems more important to me than any other time in my life so far.

I try not to talk too much about politics on this blog because it is a topic that frustrates me deeply and that often has no influence on how I do the job that I want to do with my clients. I avoid arguments about politics because they are opinion-based rather than fact-based (often), and I believe that every person is entitled to have their own opinions about things (whether they are wrong === sarcasm!). 

This year, however, the events that have happened in the political arena have spilled out of the container that I like to keep them in to permeate every part of our collectives lives. There is no hiding away from what has been happening to us all - the Black Lives Matter protests, the election debacle, the continuing Big Lie, the capitol ridiculousness - these are happenings, events, and situations that will affect how we, as Americans, are perceived, experienced, and treated from now on by everyone.

I have music therapy friends from around the world who I have never met in person but who I know through telecommunication and social media. I am fascinated by how they perceive our country as a whole. I can tell you, it's not great for us. We, as a collective again - not as individuals, are not being good representatives of the ideals that set up the concept of our country's government.

Now, that's not to say that there aren't individuals or small group of people who are great representatives of what it means to be an American in a democratic republic. In my experience, those individuals tend to be the ones who quietly do the work instead of standing on the street corner shouting about what needs to be done. Have you ever noticed that the loudest person in the room tends to be the one who doesn't do much?? (Personal pet peeve...) 

So, on this MLK Jr. Day and inauguration eve, I am sitting down to think through some things - things that inform the person that I am and also to set my ideals for the person that I strive to be in this world.

The problem with writing about this is that I make myself vulnerable to criticism from other people who do not know my entire experiential set so things that I say will be misinterpreted. This causes me lots of anxiety because I strive for clarity and honesty and transparency about things that matter to me. Putting my thoughts out there is risky, but I also try not to keep my anxiety on how things will be received from making me keep things to myself.

So, here goes.

I try to see each person as a person first rather than a member of particular groups. When I find myself stereotyping people, I try to think about what experiences I have had that have pointed me towards those opinions. Then, I try really hard to explore the person in front of me - what can I find out about that individual that offers a more complete picture of that person?

I try to keep an open mind about strangers.

I avoid the news as much as I can because I find examples of stereotyping and propagandizing every place I look. I have watched more news since the election on November 4th than I have in the past four years, and it may be time to realize that the news is not something that enriches my life. It saps energy from me and immerses me in the things that are not healthy for me to be focusing on. I am well aware that there are evil doers in the world. I don't have to be following their every move, over and over and over again.

I strive to be a person who puts good into the world. This may be a bit of good in my music therapy clinic. This may be a bit of good through donations of time or treasure. This may be a bit of good through talking to music therapy interns about the things that we do as music therapists. This may be sitting to listen to someone talking about their own perspectives and experiences. This may be supporting the right of each and every person to hold their own ideals, thoughts, dreams - even when I do not share those same thoughts.

As I sit here, in the darkness before dawn on this Monday morning, I am engaging in some prayer, some contemplation, some fanciful thinking, and some mourning for our country, for my family, for myself. All of these practices, though, offer me peace - stating my emotions, my feelings, my opinions, and all helps me to figure out what is happening inside me - and I can often find resolution and hope in this practice.

Here's what I hope for us as a collective and for me as an individual.

A return to discourse and discussion about important topics in our lives. Yelling does no good for anyone. Rushing into things without deliberation and transparency leads us all into untenable situations which can harm organizations and individuals more than careful planning in the public eye.

A return to striving for compromise rather than a "all for me" and a "my way or the highway" way of interacting with other people. 

Remembering that holding stereotypes, while a natural way of categorizing information that assists our brains in navigating situations, does not negate the need for getting to know individual human beings and acknowledging that our perceptions and stereotypes are sometimes wrong.

I am hoping to enrich my understanding of the experiences of others this year, but I am also hoping that those others seek to enrich their understanding of my experiences as well. I don't think that this will work if only one part of any relationship is the one that tries to understand - both parties have to be engaged and involved in seeking a common understanding of any given situation.

“Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into friend.” – Martin Luther King Jr.