Saying Goodbye to Bella

Yesterday, at 8:10am, I said goodbye to my cat, Bella. She had kidney issues and rapidly got worse to the point where it was obvious that she was not able to take care of herself. So, I had to make the difficult decision to let her go. The vet gave me the option of hospitalization for a couple more months or just giving her a release. I chose release.

I am sitting here, not quite 24 hours after giving her one last stroke, in sobbing hysterics as I miss her snoring, her scratches at the covers, and her way of sleeping in between my legs in a way that completely immobilized me. I haven't left my house since I got home yesterday morning, and I know that returning to my home without her greeting me at the door is going to be rough.

I know that one of the responsibilities of being a pet owner is making decisions about end of life for those pets. Bella was my first pet of my own. I first took her to the vet on September 2, 2006 - about a week after she became mine. She had been living with her sister and a bunch of tom cats on a rural homestead of one of the persons that I worked with at the time. They wanted her, but were unable to keep up the care of female cats with all their toms. They didn't want to spay her, so I took her and became her servant. She had an extreme reaction to being vaccinated when she was two and then had a couple of strokes that I think were related to the vaccination reaction. Over the past fourteen years, we have yelled at each other, sat and cried, snuggled in close, and been two sides of a family unit.

I knew that she was sick. She has been slowing down significantly over the past three months. Her kidney enzymes were getting worse, and we switched her diet to some really expensive food. I was not prepared for such a rapid decline. I called the vet's emergency number yesterday morning at 6:30am to ask what I needed to do for her, and at 7am, the vet called back. We left the house at 7:40, and Bella yowled at me the entire way there. I was able to stay with her until I couldn't stand it anymore, and then I left.

I unplugged her water and moved her food out of its location. I folded up her last Christmas gift from my parents (a fleece blanket that we unwrapped together and cuddled in before I took her away) and have gathered some of her toys to donate to the Humane Society. I just got a shipment of her very expensive food, so I will arrange to return that later today. I haven't touched her litter box yet. I just can't erase her that much. I'm not sure when I will do that chore.

I am thankful for being able to share my life with this animal. She was my closest confidante, my comfort, and my biggest aggravation (occasionally). Her personality matched mine well, and she helped me through many a night of despair and tears as well as through many laughs and giggles. She did not like it when I whistled. She loved the sunshine and sleeping under the covers. She watched me carefully when I was in recovery from my three surgeries and would walk carefully around my hurt areas to give me some snuggles. She was my napping companion and my constant guest star during webinars and online meetings. She would talk to anyone who would come to visit and often carried on complete conversations with me using yes and no indicators. The vet actually witnessed a preference conversation and remarked on it a long time ago. She would meow when her answer was yes and would shake her head when the answer was no.

I miss her.

Rest in peace, my Bella. I love you.