Thoughtful Thursday: Allowing Myself to Feel

I've been doing lots and lots of thinking during this Spring Break week. 

I was told that a project that I spent hours on was systematically dismantled by fellow staff members while I was at conference. I am not happy about this, but I've decided that I will no longer put myself out in this particular project. I requested two things - a change in group times to avoid having to completely re-do my schedule during the summer months and the addition of another classroom group (since we are adding another classroom group). Apparently, that wasn't something that my co-workers were willing to do, so I have to go back to being the only person on the campus who has to change schedules during the summer session. I have to increase the number of session plans that I have to do during those two months with absolutely no planning time during those same months. I will no longer put myself in the position of working on this master schedule just to have it destroyed by people who are unwilling to change.

It is amazing that one negative bit of information can derail me so easily. Up until yesterday morning, when I received this information, my break was going along swimmingly. I was relaxing, cleaning, making progress on my goals. Then, the email came. I allowed myself to dwell on my feelings yesterday, feeling them deeply. Today, however, I am going to try not to let it get me down.

I am always torn between stuffing my emotion and feeling my emotion. I am a highly sensitive person and tend to over emote at times. My default expression of emotion is crying. I cry at confrontation, at anger, at frustration, but rarely at sadness (at least, not in front of other people - my sadness crying is mostly private).

So, yesterday, I dwelt on my emotions. I allowed myself to be angry. I allowed myself to be depressed. I allowed myself to go back to anger. I am going to move into acceptance and form my strategy for how I will respond when I get back to work on Monday. I'm not going to assist in the process from now on. That's that. I do not need this emotional cattle prod every year. It's not worth the angst and anger that I put myself through.

Today is a day to focus on me. I still have three days left of break (Sunday doesn't count as a day off - I work all morning and have to lead all aspects of worship), so it is time to do something that I want to do. Some of that will be here at home - I need to get a couple of projects finished - some may be away from my home - I could buy something frivolous that I really don't need... hmmm.

The possibilities are endless and all up to me!