Monday Music - at 4:56am

Today I am doing something I rarely do. I'm sitting in my bed, writing this blog (that's not the unusual part of all of this), listening to the Muppets channel on Pandora (that's the unusual part).

I rarely listen to music just to listen. This was one of the things that significantly changed in my life once I became a full-time music therapist. Music became something that was always present, so I needed different types of stimulation in my life. When I am finished with a work day, I often go for talk radio and television shows rather than music. Lately, however, I have been away from my music therapy routine and am finding that music is starting to fill me up again.

Isn't that a strange thought? 

The music is starting to fill me up again.

I am singing to the cat. She has her own songs (Soft Kitty for one), and I am singing to her more than I usually do. Her responses are not really the types of responses I usually get with my voice - not many of my clients point their ears back or spring off the bed in an attempt to get away from me or even purr (occasionally) - but there is a response.

I am singing random pieces of songs. I just feel the need to be singing at random times of day and at random places. So I find myself humming while shopping at the grocery store. I wait until I get back to my car before launching into full out song. Not everyone understands the need to be singing.

I went to church yesterday and led our service of Lessons and Carols. It was wonderful to be sitting with a group of people (some of whom sang, some who did not) and be surrounded by music - voices, organ, piano. I was able to spend time involved in musicking - active music making - in a community. We sang lots of the familiar Christmas Carols yesterday, and my Christmas spirit started. That's one of the things that music can do for me - start specific feelings to happen. I am person who has strong extramusical associations to specific songs. The act of singing those familiar songs in church yesterday reminded me of years past and the stories of the season in my particular belief system. This was a good thing as I have been disconnected from most of my traditions this year. I may even decorate my tree this week...

I am enjoying my Pandora station this morning. I will eventually saturate on the music in my environment and switch to something else, but for the moment, I am enjoying the combination of children's songs that are being played. I am not really listening just to listen any more. My brain is moving into the "How can I use this song" mode.

My proof-reader and biggest critic!

I think that all music therapists go through periods of time where they crave musical stimulation and other times when music is the last thing that they want to be around. This is an appropriate response to being surrounded by any type of stimulus. Our brains want and need a change from one stimulus to another - brains like novelty. Sometimes that means a complete withdrawal from the stimulus; sometimes it means changing the stimulus.

I set out, during this time of enforced rest and silence, to have a break from the music of my life. I did some composition, but I haven't touched my guitar since Thanksgiving. I've listened to music for my own enjoyment and motivation. I haven't had to think about the therapeutic benefit or use of any particular piece of music for about a month now. I think my brain is getting ready to move back into therapy mode again, because I am sitting here, listening to music, and thinking, "Ooh, Client D would like this song, and we could do this and this and this with it!" I'm relieved to have these thoughts and will be writing them down in my thought book for development into TMEs.

I guess, at the end of all of this, I want other music therapists to know that my experience has shown me that my relationship with my therapeutic medium of choice, music, changes all the time. There are times when I want and need to be surrounded by music, and there are times when I cannot stand any type of musical stimulus around me. I used to think that the times when I couldn't stand to be around music made me a bad therapist, but I now know that's not the case. It's just how my brain is wired...and that's okay. I have to take breaks from music at times. My brain tells me when it's time to start again - and it becomes very evident that I am a musical being, one who is able to not just make music, but also one who can help others make their own music.

Must be doing fine - she's sleeping.

Find your way. If you are someone who needs to listen to your own music for a certain amount of time, do it. If you are someone who needs silence after a day of singing and playing music for others, find your silence. If you are someone who needs to make music all the time, do it. Find your way and know that your way is what you need as a human being. Be happy, fellow therapists. Happy Monday!