Debating...
Ah. Here in the States it is a season of political debates as we get ready to vote for our next President and many of the Congressional Senators and Representatives that we expect to be our voices in government. It is always an interesting time of year - one that sends some of us (for example, ME!!!) shrieking and running away from any and all political conversations. So, as a result, you will not hear about who I plan on voting for or who I think is right. There you go...
Instead, I would like to focus on how we debate - each one of us - every day.
Yesterday, I debated with both sides of my brain whether I should address the pompous school secretary who attempted to throw away one of my projects without even attempting to find out who owned the materials. I erred on the side of caution and did not confront her. We shall see if that was a fortunate decision - I did rescue the materials and the project from the "giveaway" place.
I debated about a response to a particular person who just cannot respect boundaries. I opted for ultraprofessional tone and reestablishing firm boundaries about when and where and how contact should occur.
I debated with one of my individual clients during transition from her classroom group session. She seems to think that kids are supposed to tell adults what to do. I firmly believe that is not the case! She didn't want to leave. It was time. She continued to try to engage me in negotiation - I ended the discussion and stopped debating at that time. She eventually complied with my requests after I stopped talking to her.
There are times when you have to walk away from a debate without feeling like you have won.
It interests me that the first definition of the word "debate" does not imply that there is a winner. There are really only two definitions that imply that someone will win a debate. Most of the definitions indicate that debating is an active process that often does not conclude in a "winner" or a "loser."
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/debate
When I find myself in situations where I am engaged in a debate with one of my clients, I have to evaluate my therapeutic reasons for continuing to debate. Should I continue to argue with this client to allow them to experience a growth experience? Or am I just arguing to prove that I am right and he or she is wrong? If I am trying to be right, it is time to disconnect from the conflict spiral and walk away.
Time to walk away.
Instead, I would like to focus on how we debate - each one of us - every day.
Yesterday, I debated with both sides of my brain whether I should address the pompous school secretary who attempted to throw away one of my projects without even attempting to find out who owned the materials. I erred on the side of caution and did not confront her. We shall see if that was a fortunate decision - I did rescue the materials and the project from the "giveaway" place.
I debated about a response to a particular person who just cannot respect boundaries. I opted for ultraprofessional tone and reestablishing firm boundaries about when and where and how contact should occur.
I debated with one of my individual clients during transition from her classroom group session. She seems to think that kids are supposed to tell adults what to do. I firmly believe that is not the case! She didn't want to leave. It was time. She continued to try to engage me in negotiation - I ended the discussion and stopped debating at that time. She eventually complied with my requests after I stopped talking to her.
There are times when you have to walk away from a debate without feeling like you have won.
It interests me that the first definition of the word "debate" does not imply that there is a winner. There are really only two definitions that imply that someone will win a debate. Most of the definitions indicate that debating is an active process that often does not conclude in a "winner" or a "loser."
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/debate
de·bate:[dih-beyt] Show IPA noun, verb, de·bat·ed, de·bat·ing.
noun
1.a discussion, as of a public question in an assembly, involving opposing viewpoints: a debate in the Senate on farm price supports.
2.a formal contest in which the affirmative and negative sides of a proposition are advocated by opposing speakers.
3.deliberation; consideration.
4.Archaic . strife; contention.
verb (used without object)
5.to engage in argument or discussion, as in a legislative or public assembly: When we left, the men were still debating.
6.to participate in a formal debate.
7.to deliberate; consider: I debated with myself whether to tell them the truth or not.
8.Obsolete . to fight; quarrel.
verb (used with object)
9.to argue or discuss (a question, issue, or the like), as in a legislative or public assembly: They debated the matter of free will.
10.to dispute or disagree about: The homeowners debated the value of a road on the island.
11.to engage in formal argumentation or disputation with (another person, group, etc.): Jones will debate Smith. Harvard will debate Princeton.
13.Archaic . to contend for or over.
Origin:
1250–1300; (v.) Middle English debaten < Old French debatre, equivalent to de- de- + batre to beat < Latin battere, earlier battuere; (noun) Middle English debat < Old French, derivative of debatre
1250–1300; (v.) Middle English debaten < Old French debatre, equivalent to de- de- + batre to beat < Latin battere, earlier battuere; (noun) Middle English debat < Old French, derivative of debatre
When I find myself in situations where I am engaged in a debate with one of my clients, I have to evaluate my therapeutic reasons for continuing to debate. Should I continue to argue with this client to allow them to experience a growth experience? Or am I just arguing to prove that I am right and he or she is wrong? If I am trying to be right, it is time to disconnect from the conflict spiral and walk away.
Time to walk away.
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