Blech...This is Why I Don't Usually Blog After Work...

CAVEAT **** I just want to warn you that this was a bit of a rough end to my day. I don't usually blog at the end of the day, and this is why - I tend to focus on the things that went wrong in the last session of the day rather than remembering the successes that also happened. If you do not want to read about my frustrations at the moment, then I would recommend that you look at another post on this blog. *****

I am looking for positives here, but it's not easy to do at the moment. The last session today was comprised of 4 kids being very disrespectful and outright rude with two students who actually did anything. Two others were absent. I am so tired of the rudeness from this particular group (which had mostly disappeared until this week - thanks, day student in particular), and everything I have tried has backfired. It's been years with this particular kid, and I am so frustrated by his rudeness that I just can't seem to get out of the conflict spiral.

He used to be so sweet, but something happened and now he is just one small ball of nasty. He enters the room mad and then just sabotages every thing that anyone tries to do.

Now, I know, down way WAY deep, that something did happen, but I cannot figure it out. I'm not sure why he feels that being rude and mean to all of us is the way he should be in music. He is less rude when he comes in before going to PE. On the days when music is after PE, he acts the way he acted today.

I keep trying to get to the magical way of getting him back, but the path eludes me.

I have found that not everyone likes me in my career as a music therapist. Usually they start off hating me before ever even meeting me - that usually signals to me that music classes in other schools have not been inclusive or successful for them. Most of my clients I can wind over, but there have been some that I have never been able to connect with in a session.

If I was able to do so, I would recommend that these students not bother with music therapy, but I cannot. When I had a bit of control over who came into my sessions at any given time, I arranged groups so that the kids who hated me all came at the same time. They would become a united group in their hatred of me, and I would get all of them over with in one fell swoop.

I don't get to do that anymore. It's frustrating.

There are so many more kids that respond positively to music therapy than not, but it's the ones that don't that stick with me. Rationally, I know that not everyone is into music, but I am convinced that there is a way in to interaction with all students. The problem is that I cannot spend all my time trying to convince the ones that want to have nothing to do with me and ignore the ones that love music and being part of our sessions.

So, I end up in a frustration loop - covering the same ground over and over again - every single session.

Days like these make me want to retire...and that was one kid (who led the others) in one session. We saw about 45 kids today - most of whom participated and seemed to move towards their goals today.

So, what do I want to get out of writing all this down?

First, I want others to know that the world of music therapy is not always "happy children making happy sounds." Sometimes it is the kid sitting in the corner, yelling every time you look his way. Sometimes it is the adult who curses at you when you ask what types of music they prefer. Sometimes it is the client who has a bodily fluid accident right in the most inconvenient part of your session. These things are parts of working with our fellow human beings, and they happen to all of us at one time or another.

Second, I need to get rid of most of these feelings so I can process them and then move into problem-solving. Next year, when this particular client has decided that music is okay again, I will use this to figure out what was going on today.

Lastly, there is something that helps when you write things down.

If you have stuck this out until this very end, thank you for being out there in the ether of the internet. I appreciate you and the things that you go through every day.