Powerless

These are not happy times in my country. There are riots happening in various parts of the territory and people are engaged in a pissing contest about who is right and who is wrong and who has what power and who will bend first. I am sinking under the weight of it all.

I strive to be a good person. I strive to be inclusive and I strive to focus on each person as a unique and special person who offers so much to the world. I am a person of privilege, and I acknowledge that fact whenever I write about situations where biases are prevalent and that cause friction. I cannot and will never understand the situations that others live in and through every day. I know this, and I find a bit of shame in the fact that anyone in this world is treated with less than compassion in every single interaction with every single person. I tend to internalize this shame and it is fed by constant triggers from social media and the outrage of others.

I feel powerless when it comes to speaking out about gender identity, discrimination of any sort, and the thoughts of the pain that others experience that will never come my way because of who I am and what I am. I feel shame that I am categorized the way I am because of what I look like. I feel shame in the fact that others assume that I think specific ways when I do not in actuality. I seek conversations with others about how they view themselves and how they think I view them.

The day after 9/11/2001, I was sitting in a graduate course on curriculum and instruction. The presenter was a classmate who was from Saudi Arabia. He presented on cultural stereotypes - I don't think that was his originally assigned topic for the evening, but in light of the events in our country, I think he needed to speak to us all about how he was feeling. For the entire three hour course time, he lectured us about how we all viewed him in a particular way. He used the example of stereotypes as the way we all viewed him and people from his culture, but I sat there thinking, "Aren't you doing the exact same thing right now with me?"

I sat through a lecture about how all Americans looked at him and thought he was a terrorist. The entire time. I was thinking, "but that is not what I think when I see you." This is how I feel in many of these conversations. The people who are presenting their case are doing the same things that they don't want from their targeted audiences. They are making assumptions about people based on superficial information.

Ugh. I am making this all about me, which is not my intention at all. What do I want to say about the situation that has arisen in my country right now?

First of all, this situation will NEVER be about me.

Second, this situation is an atrocity. There should NEVER be a time when a person is killed because of their skin color or because of who they love or because of how they present their self to the world.

Third, we, the people, of this nation need to figure out this situation. We cannot rely solely on our elected representatives. They are not fixing anything because they are involved in petty squabbling similar to what I see in toddlers.

Fourth, we need to be willing to listen with open minds and sheltered hearts. What I mean by sheltering our hearts is to accept what we hear from others, especially when it hurts our own feelings and emotions. (This is where I struggle the most - I tend to over focus on the "but that's not me" part of the response rather than separating my thoughts from what is being expressed by the people who need to be heard. (Ope, now it's a bit about me again. Sorry.))

Fifth, we will NEVER all agree on what we should all be doing. There will always be dissenters and pot-stirrers and people who feel that they are right to the exclusion of all other views. This has to be accepted by all parties - there are some things that we will not agree upon. It would be so wonderful if we could just flip a switch and make everyone fall into line, but that's not how humans work. What we need is a mutual agreement that there will be some things that we will support no matter what - in everyone, however they choose to present themselves.

Fear happens and fear is powerful. Being a spectator to any situation offers us a degree of detachment that the people involved do not have. I have been in situations where clients have been trying to hurt me. It is difficult to navigate through all the training and safety measures when you are filled with fear, but it is part of the job. If you cannot complete your part of the pledge of safety and emotional control, then you need to do something else.

Emotions are contagious. It is easy to slip into destruction and cruelty when others are engaged in the same emotions. It is less easy to slip into peace and understanding than the negative emotions. I think this is part of how our brains are wired. The peace and understanding part seems to be centered more in the frontal lobe than the emotions of anger, fear, and mob mentality which seem to be more in the lower brain.

I sit here, in my secluded home, away from anything happening in the world right now, trying to figure out what I can do as part of this situation. I feel powerless. I listen. I learn as much as I can about views that are different than my own. I despair when I feel misunderstood, so I imagine that others feel that way in an exponential manner.

My last thoughts for today include a prayer sent out into the world for rational minds to take over for the emotions that are running rampant.

In this day of unrest and struggles for so many,
let peace prevail.
In the night where destruction tempts,
let rational minds increase in volume until all can hear the call to peace.
In the halls of government,
expand the view from the here to the everywhere to include everyone rather than the "me."
In the heart of every human,
let love for others overflow into acts of compassion and understanding.
Be with us all, now and forever.
Amen.

Peace in all things to you and yours.

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