All Other Ground is Sinking Sand

Well, yesterday we had a "this is the way it is" talk at work. We have these about every 5-10 years and have ranged from "Hey, welcome to the last day before Winter Break - by the way, we might not be open on New Years. Merry Christmas!" to yesterday's greatest hit, "We may not be able to sustain our numbers with the level of funding that we have now, so some of you may not be working here in July."

Sigh.

I am currently experiencing an anxiety attack about all the things that are in my head right now - hence, the last afternoon blog post - an attempt to get this out of my head and into the ether of the internet in a way that is archived for all eternity but that allows me to purge my thoughts and try to settle.

I got sick again on Sunday - not anything COVID-ish, but lots of my typical gastrointestinal stuff. I wasn't able to sleep very well in between issues and attacks, but things started earlier on Sunday than it did last Sunday. I was able to go to work and do most of my current schedule without an issue. I'm not sure if my anxiety attack has to do with my gut or if my gut responds to my anxiety. Either way, it is acting up.

I am getting caught up in thoughts about my future interns and my current intern and what I am going to do with them and how all of it is going to work in the future...

I have a church hymn going through my mind - My Hope is Built On Nothing Less - specifically, the chorus - "On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand; all other ground is sinking sand." I may need to record this for my Dad and post it on my YouTube Channel just to help me with these thoughts. Right now, my ground seems like sinking sand...all...the...time!

I know I am not alone in all this. I know that we all are facing unpredictable futures. Today, that is not a helpful thought. Most days, I can find this to be a comfort, but I can't do that today. I will be able to find that comfort tomorrow (probably - Well, I hope so at least).

Last night I am hosted a call for music therapists just to check in. We had a discussion about virtual sessions, telehealth in schools, administrative challenges, and the possibilities of this situation for the profession of music therapy. Some questions were answered and others were not. It was a good connection to other music therapists. I really needed that connection last evening, and I hope that I can get more of us involved.

There is nothing I can do right now to help this other than just talk to other people about it all.

I am cycling through anxiety and despair and hope and joy these days. I think I'm doing fine, wandering through my days in the way that makes the most sense for me, and then - BLAM! Something happens that shakes me to my core - all other ground is sinking sand.

It is time to set up some more structure for me. My notes are going to be done at home rather than at work because I was strongly encouraged to decrease my work hours yet again. Okay, I can do that. I need more work structure here at home, but I haven't been able to do that yet. With the current talk at my facility being something along the lines of "no real school until August," I have to become more purposeful here at home.

This afternoon, I will be going to meet my intern in a parking lot to pass over materials for her special project. After that, I will drive home and do my notes for the day. I will set up a rotation of work and home chores to help me get my work space established here at home. I also need to get my sewing machine ready for some mask sewing this weekend. I have all the materials, I just have to get the machine out of storage. After all of my work things are finished, I will lead an intern webinar. Tonight, we are going to talk about time management and organization - something that I am currently struggling with but am always attempting to master!

Structure. That is the one thing that I am craving (other than Sprite from a fast-food fountain) and the one thing that will help me find my footing in this uncertain time. 

Structure.