Thoughtful Thursday: Coming Down on the Side of Too Hard on Myself

It's towards the end of my break, and I am getting melancholy about having to go back to work. I am not refreshed enough for all of the things that need to happen in the next three weeks, and my next real break will be after our summer sessions are over. I'm hoping that two weeks of time with Mom this summer means that she will not come out to visit during my July/August break so that I can rest and refresh. My plans to do that last year were thwarted by well-meaning parents who did not listen when I asked them to schedule things at times that were more convenient for me than for them. Oh well. Maybe I can rest this year. Poor, poor pitiful me!

I am looking at the mounds of stuff that I still haven't addressed during this week off, and I'm thinking about the upcoming visit from a pet sitter where I need to be able to walk someone through my home without having to dodge things, and I'm feeling very stressed out.

I have made progress - I really have - but it is hard for me to see that progress right now.

I have four more days until I go back to work to a completely new schedule, a new duty, and lots of changes to absorb. I am already dwelling on what has to be done soon rather than looking at what needs to be done now.

The "now" is so much less attractive to me than the "soon."

Here's what needs to happen in the "now."

...the closets,

grocery shopping,

the kitchen counters,

the refrigerator,

the bathrooms,

the carpets,

the laundry,

donations,

laminating,

mailing things to other people.

I think there's more - I'm sure there's more, but I'm forgetting it... 

Time to stop getting upset with myself for what I am doing and do what I need to do. Time to focus on what my things are "now." So, I am going to eat breakfast and start the laundry and with cleaning out the closets. When that is finished, I should have a couple of bags of clothing donations to take out into the world when I go grocery shopping later today. I still have to see the end of Avengers: Endgame at some point, so maybe I will reward myself with that movie voucher once my closets look good. I'm hoping that the second viewing will be a bit less exciting than the first viewing and will NOT include any tornadoes, but we will see.

So, breakfast and then closets. I will keep myself company with the cat (who will approve of the closet reorganization) and with Murder She Wrote on the television. I will work on this until it is finished, and then I will move forward on the donation thing and the grocery shopping thing as well.

I will give myself a break and be as focused on the "now" as I can - leaving room (and post-it notes nearby) for thoughts about the "soon" or "dreams."

I can only do what I will do - and that's what I need right now.