Thoughtful Thursday: When Emotions Erupt

Draft #4 of this blog post...

I am in a complaining mood, and I am frustrated by all sorts of things - by how my administration negates the work that I do at every opportunity, by drips on the bottom of the oven that smoke furiously when I try to cook, by kids who do not do what is asked of them (my mind goes automatically to ending that phrase with the words - ON PURPOSE), and many other things. I know the reasons behind all this, but that doesn't make it any easier to live through at the moment.

I am trying my best to remember that it is not effective to spew my bad mood over everyone else. I do not have to bring other people down to my level. In fact, I don't want to make others wallow in my bad mood. That is not an appropriate response to the general cranky nature of me at the moment. I am also trying to remember that what I am reacting to is not always the actual situation - I am reacting through a layer of crank that is not a universal reality...it is just in my own head.

Because of this mood, I am going to engage in my coping skills. I use these types of days to demonstrate to my students - all of whom have difficulty with emotion regulation and impulse control - that adults have to use coping skills to get through their days just like we try to teach them. I engage my clients in helping me identify different skills, and we practice them together. My favorite is breathing, but my asthma is acting up (ah, spring in Kansas), so breathing is really difficult (that's one of the reasons for my bad mood right now - not the only one, but one of the reasons). I wheeze and try to suck air into my lungs. I think I may try counting today. I can do that while trying to work with all the stuff clogging up my bronchioli. 

Over the past decades spent working with this particular population of children and adolescents, I've found that emotions happen all the time. I am the adult, so it is my responsibility to maintain and regulate my emotions while assisting someone else to find their own regulation during crisis. It is not easy, and being on the edge of emotional eruption myself makes it more difficult. 

It is time to start ramping up the self-care and the coping skill use to assist me in remaining as objective about others' emotions as I possibly can.

Here's my plan:

• Take some time to breathe.
• Drink lots of water today.
• Eat breakfast and lunch.
• Practice active coping skills during breaks between sessions.
• Throw myself into the music we share during sessions.
• Keep my mantra in the forefront of my mind - "Let me be the best therapist for these particular kids in this particular moment that I can be."
• Apologize for errors, if needed.
• Acknowledge the mood and work through it, being a good example for my clients and fellow co-workers.
• Forgive myself.

Time to start on this plan and get through the day.