Thougthful Thursday: I'm So Very Tired

I slept in this morning, waking up at about 4:30, denying that I was awake for about 20 minutes, and finally looking at the clock at 4:53 am. I rolled out of bed, with heavy eyes and an aching body, to find that I am starting my annual respiratory infection. I will have to go on my big medications starting tomorrow evening so I can get through the severe side effects (the severity part only lasts for 24 hours and then the side effects are bearable). All of this is happening as I am trying to get into a new schedule and trying to figure out when I'm going to finally get all my ducks in a row.

Yesterday was a great day. It consisted of four 30-minute groups and one 60-minute group. Kids seemed to be happy to be back in the school routine, and I had a chance to do some staff coaching as subtly as possible. At one point, I did have to be extremely direct. Most of the time, staff members do not give our students enough time to process the request and then act on that request. So, we are doing LOTS of overprompting...all the time. Drives me nuts to hear myself echoed by four new staff members, all of whom seem to want to talk...all the time! So, staff coaching happened. I also had initial sessions with two kids in individual sessions. My intern led her first 60-minute session, so she gets to learn about documentation this morning! Hooray for me!!

This morning is a bit of a challenge. It was difficult to get out of bed. I finally did that, an hour after I usually do, but I don't want to go. I want to go back to sleep, but I know that I cannot. My to-do list for work is growing and growing. I have to come up with sub plans for my principal (not a difficult task, but it takes up time). There are treatment plans to formulate, individual sessions to coordinate, and intern tasks to do - I've gotta get ready for intern #25 who arrives in, YIPES, 2 and a half weeks. I have applications to review and TMEs flooding through my mind that are fighting to get out and realized. I am trying to pull back from my current intern's sessions, but the kids keep pulling me in. I love making music with them.

I started up my part-time church job last night. I spent some time in my church music office, making plans for the children's program that I am starting at some point - don't know when because no one actually talks directly to me - but I apparently will be doing two sessions with the kids who show up on Sundays, starting some time in the near future. I started to formulate some plans this week, but I have to solidify the plans before Sunday morning just in case I am on tap on Sunday. There was some talk about not starting until September, but who knows what will actually happen. I'll have a plan, just in case.

As I list all that is going on in my life, it is becoming clear to me why I am so tired. I have to take some time for self-care and for health monitoring as I get back into the full-time routine of work, part-time work, part-part-time work, and hobbies. All of it together adds up to a very busy me.

So, time to go into self-care mode. First step - eat well. Today will include breakfast of some sort (I'm thinking chicken this morning), a lunch that includes fruit and good stuff to eat, and a dinner of pizza. I'll fill out my meal journal and my various bullet journals. I'll start my Sunday program planning when I get home, and I'll try to capture all of my ideas onto paper as they arrive during the day. Second step - allow myself to experience all the feels. I will acknowledge that I miss being the group leader for my groups. I will remember, though, that this is a necessary experience for my students and for my interns and for myself as a therapist. Third step - I will stop when I need to stop. Full stop. No pushing myself once I can no longer push.

I am tired. I will be heading to work in a tired mode, but I am ready.

It's a good tired.


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