Trying to Be Late (Well, On Time)

I am going to try to arrive at work when I am supposed to be at work today. This is not something that is easy for me. I tend to be way too early most of the time, and I need to get into a bit later routine because my time after work is going to be extended as soon as my new intern starts. I ask my interns to work an 8.5 hour day, from 7:30 to 4:00, so I also work until 4:00. The problem? I often arrive at work at 6:45. I don't want to do that anymore, so I am going to try to start the process of arriving when I am supposed to arrive.

Theoretically, if I leave my house at 6:30, I should arrive at 7:15 - the time I am supposed to arrive.

Sounds easy, doesn't it? But this act of being on time makes me more anxious than anything else in my life. I'm not really sure where this particular brand of anxiety comes from, but I know that my parents share it. It was probably learned from them. For us, on time means late and late is inexcusable. My sister and I share this trait, my brother, not so much - my brother's soon-to-be ex-wife? Not at all!

When I sit down and plan on being on time, I start to imagine all sorts of things happening - traffic jams on the rural highways I travel, no parking spots available, being caught being late, missing out on something important, not having enough time to finish my work, all sorts of things. For the record, the parking spot thing is the one that is most concerning, but I could completely change that by choosing to park in the lot that is always empty and is the farthest away from my music therapy room. That would also give me a chance to get some more exercise in every day. Hmmm. Maybe that is a plan. No anxiety if I change my expectations and my plan.

There is nothing that I need to do at 6:45 in the morning at work. When I get to work that early, I end up having lots of extra time that isn't used well. I tend to be more apt to complete puzzles than to work on composing or writing therapeutic music experience (TME) plans. I think my time would be better spent here at home, doing those things rather than completing puzzles.

So, it is time to start crafting a new routine. This may be something that I can work on in my personal bullet journal - a morning routine to keep me at home until it is time to go and get to work when I am supposed to get to work.

What would such a routine consist of? Eating breakfast an hour after taking my medications. Blogging. Watching an episode or two of my current television series. Running laundry or dishes. Cleaning something. Making something for my website. Working on a project. Watching the sunrise change the sky. Reading my bible. Cooking something in the crock-pot. Riding the stationery bike that is coming soon. Lots of options for my new routine.

Now, for the record, I've tried to do things like this before. I always want to spend extra time at home, but I've never been able to make it into a habit. The anxiety has always returned and taken over. This time, however, I want to make it a practice rather than just a statement. 

I acknowledge my anxiety regarding time, and I am going to keep it from taking over my work presence. I am going to work on this as my summer project. I have 26 days of summer school to make this my new routine.

Right now, I am starting to feel the anxious feelings start in the back of my brain. It is time to do some breathing, some breakfasting, and some reassurances that I will not be late, I will not run out of time to get things done, and that I will not be marked as tardy. As a matter of fact, the only person who really cares when I get to work is me.

I still have 50 minutes to go before my scheduled departure time. I am usually heading out the door right now, but I will resist. I will also see if I can figure out a treat for myself for accomplishing my goal of being at work only the time I have to be at work to keep me motivated. Maybe a tub of Red Vines would be a good treat...


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