There's Always Something...

I am starting to fill up the gaps in my music therapy schedule with individual music therapy treatment times. This is a great feeling. I'll start individual treatment on July 11th when we come back for our second session of our Extended School Year. I'll get things going for three weeks, reevaluate, and then start up again when the regular school session starts.

I am excited about getting back into this type of therapy. I've missed it, but there's something else going on.

I'm a bit scared.

You would think that my 23+ years of being a therapist would make things lots easier for me to jump back into this type of therapy interaction, but I am a bit scared still. I think most of these feelings have to do with forced light duty and almost a year of being out of my comfortable routine. I know that some of these feelings are rooted in fears of being hurt again. I don't want to be hurt again. I know that many of these feelings are somewhat irrational, but they still need to be acknowledged and addressed as I move from one state of being to another state of being in my role as therapist.

My rational mind keeps trying to rein in my emotional mind.

"You did this for 22 years before being hurt like this. You can do this job. The statistics and odds are in your favor. Why are you so whiny?"

My emotional mind, as usual, goes full out emotional!

"But, but, but, this year has been so difficult! I can't do this again, ever, ever, EVER!! I won't, and YOU can't make me!!"

So, my brain goes into an internal war that just leads me into stomach gurgles, a need to prove to my emotional brain that I can do this, and do this well, as well as trying to figure out what's happening within myself.

I will spend this next week getting myself ready for whatever happens during music therapy sessions. I will build up my trust in myself through practice and experience. After the first session, the rest will be easier. Taking the first step is the hardest for me.

I know that this is part of recovery. My rational mind knows this. My emotional mind will catch up. It will work.

Meanwhile, I'm working on something I'm calling "Music Therapy Morsels." Intrigued? Keep an eye out on this blog, on the website, and on the Facebook page!!

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