Reinventing Myself as Therapist

I spend quite a bit of time thinking (more these days since I am STILL on light duty due to my recovering knee) and have found that I am in a state of flux as a therapist.

This happens to me every so often during my career and is never a bad thing. I believe that every music therapist (actually, every therapist - music or other) has to go through periods of self-examination and change in order to survive the rigors of the job. I also think that these times can either make or break a career. How I progress will help me to determine if and where I want to go as a music therapist.

Here are the questions I ask myself during these times...

• Where do I want to be?
• What do I want to do?
• What gives me joy right now?
• What makes me stressed right now?
• Am I being effective as a therapist? How am I defining "effectiveness?"
• Do I like my job? Why or why not?
• What intrigues me in music therapy right now?
• What is my creativity level?
• What is my current philosophy of music, therapy, and music therapy?
• What do I want to do with my life as a music therapist?
• What type of music therapy and/or therapist would be best for my clients right here, right now?

The answers change based on the day, the moment, and the situation. I think that the changes in the answers help me to continue my exploration. The flux doesn't really stop until the answers to these questions become more solid. Solid answers start to show me the way I want to go in my professional development. I journal and blog about these questions and look for resources to help me figure out what it is I want and need from my career.

So, what brings on these periods of reinvention? Oh, anything and everything. Sometimes I can identify what is going on in my life that leads me to this evaluation. Sometimes I can't. This time, I know what is happening, and why I am doing all of this questioning.

I am not sure that my body is going to be able to do the job that I have now. The last time I had to physically manage aggressive behavior, I broke. I've been on light duty for 10 months, had to have surgery, and am still not able to do any of the things that I need to do to safely manage aggression. I don't know if I will ever be able to do those things again. If I cannot do these things with a clinical population that I absolutely love, will I be able to find a new population that I will love as much? I am in the mid-point of my career - very experienced but very expensive - that complicates a job search. My parents are going to retire. They aren't sure if they can afford to retire. That makes me nervous since I am not sure that I can support them financially as well as supporting myself, but I feel some responsibility for them and their standard of living. In addition, friends around me are going on with their lives, and I feel like I am stagnating here where I am.

All of these things are happening simultaneously, so I'm questioning what I know and what I want.

I've been through these times before. It happened when I started my career - do I even WANT to be a music therapist? What do I want to do? Where do I want to live? It happened when I started graduate school - do I want to STILL be a music therapist? What else is out there? It happened when I finished graduate school - why do I want to do this? Each time, I have come out of the process with a clearer understanding of what I want to do and how I want to be in this profession. I believe that I will work through this and emerge stronger in the end.

Thanks for reading.