Thanksgiving Thoughts and Musings

This morning, I awoke at my usual time (translation - very, VERY early) and spent some time trying to deny that I was awake and spent some time listening to my mind wander. It's my own kind of mindfulness, I guess. I spent some time paying attention to where my brain was going. It started with, "I don't have to wake up this early. I don't have to go to work today," and then went down the road of "I need to get green chiles for dinner tomorrow." That morphed into "Thanksgiving is on Thursday," to "Mama Icie would have been 103 last week. Thanksgiving was her favorite holiday. I remember all the years of having to toe the Mama Icie celebration line..."

Remembering my grandmother, Mama Icie, led me into some of the conflicting feelings that I have about this holiday. I love the idea of a day of giving thanks, but I don't think that I can only be thankful when I'm faced with green bean casserole, turkey, stuffing, and pumpkin pie. In fact, I am not very thankful when faced with a plate full of that type of food. Give me a good old meatloaf, and I am VERY thankful for the bounty before me!

My expression when posing for my very own portrait.

Many of my conflicting feelings about Thanksgiving started in celebrations at my grandparents' house. Mama Icie was the consummate hostess and loved entertaining. Me, not so much. We always had an open house to celebrate both Thanksgiving and my grandmother's birthday. We had to dress up, smile on command, and be perfect children. I have never enjoyed command performances, so spent many of my Thanksgiving holidays with this type of pout on my face. 

Did I mention the dressing up so we could take family portraits? That was something this 3-year old decided she didn't want to participate and that attitude continued.

We had to eat everything that was presented, and it was a traditional Thanksgiving meal - all the fixin's mentioned above plus other food stuffs that you can typically find on Thanksgiving tables. I was and still am a picky eater, and turkey never really makes it onto my plate (if I can avoid it), but, being at the grandparents' house meant trying a bit of everything before dessert. Of course, dessert didn't really motivate me since I don't like pumpkin pie either. (As a matter of fact, even being in the house when most of these foods are prepared makes me feel nauseated. Thanksgiving food really has quite a bit of issues for me!)

My grandmother was the closest family member to me when I was at college. My folks and I had decided that traveling home to California was not really feasible, so my dad arranged for me to spend Thanksgiving with Mama Icie. A couple of weeks before the holiday, Mama Icie called me. Here's how the conversation went...

MI: "I was thinking that we should order our Thanksgiving food. How much turkey will you eat?"
Me: "Um. I'm not a big fan of turkey, so I won't each much. Get a small one."
MI: Silence. "So, you don't like turkey?"
Me: "Nope."
MI: "I don't like turkey either."
Me: "Then why are we getting one?"
MI: "Well, everyone eats turkey at Thanksgiving."
Me: "But, if you won't eat it, and I won't eat it, wouldn't it be a waste?"
MI: "Do you like ham?"
Me: "Yes."
MI: "Well, then let's get a ham!"
Me: "Okay!!"
MI: "So, the next thing to do is to order pies. We'll get one pumpkin. What should the other one be?"
Me: "Well, I don't like pumpkin pie, so I won't eat any of that."
MI: hesitantly "I don't like pumpkin pie either. How about cherry?"
Me: "I like cherry."
MI: "How about pecan?"
Me: "I love pecan!"

For the first time in forever, my grandmother and I connected over something that I would never have thought - our mutual dislike of turkey and pumpkin pie. I asked her why she always served the traditional foods and she stated, "The rest of the family loved that food, so I made it for them." We had a wonderful couple of years celebrating in our own way - ham and cherry pie. The preparation was light, the leftovers were great, and we spent good time together without all of the holiday stress that had been part of our tradition in previous years.

My grandmother loved putting together parties, making things look great, and feeding people. My sister seems to enjoy many of the same things. I get some of my creativity, musical talent, and stubborn nature from her. She and I butted heads more often than not, and she was one of the few people that I would go toe-to-toe with, even as a toddler. It was wonderful to spend time with her where we just were able to be ourselves - cranky, stubborn, well-fed, and able to share other ideas, thoughts, and dreams other than the conflict-filled ones. I am thankful that I had the opportunity to spend time with her away from the big parties, traditional Thanksgiving feast, and portraits. I understand her much better now, and I hope that she understood me a bit better.

This year, I am going to make Crepes Ensenadas, a french-mexican hybrid casserole, for my Thanksgiving meal. My grandmother would have approved (it has ham in it!). I will spend some time being mindful and thankful. I don't know if I'll blog tomorrow, so...

Happy Thanksgiving, fellow Americans, and Happy Thursday, everyone else!