Medically Induced Hazes...
I am on medication again - the same medication that I was on all of last year that causes me to be depressed and VERY non-therapeutic.
I hate being in a medical fog. The lesson learned, though, is a small inkling of what my clients go through on a regular basis. It is amazing how medication can affect everything that goes on around you. I wonder what happens in the perceptions of my kids when their medications are switched by their parents/guardians and the psychiatrist. They don't have much of a say in any of their medical decisions - one of the downsides of being underage. I now know a very small bit of how those medications affect the ability to relate with the outside world.
I haven't been able to go far outside my house this week. The medical condition that I have requires pain medication, walking really slowly, and occasional spasms. The medication to "fix" this condition makes me feel dizzy, causes depression, and fits of crying. My rational brain knows that this is mostly chemically based, but also knows that it is difficult to be responsive and reflective when you are trying to keep yourself from exploding into tears. My emotional brain is just up, down, and all over the place. What a mess!
The hazes that I am involved in right now are ridiculous, but are completely happening for and to me. My rational brain is often overwhelmed by my emotional brain, and until I can get the emotional brain in control, I do not feel that I'm going to be effective as a therapist for kids who are also having difficulty with that emotional brain. If I cannot control my own emotions, I cannot assist others through the process of figuring out emotions and then dealing with those emotions.
So, I am sitting in my home, again, getting ready to spend the day with the cat wondering if I can venture out of the house for more than 90 minutes without having a spasm that sends me to the floor. I am looking around the pit of despair and thinking that I really need to clean. I start trying to think about what to clean, but then get overwhelmed and crawl back to bed.
My rational mind is screaming, "Don't think about it! Just get moving."
We'll see how the day ends up.
I hate being in a medical fog. The lesson learned, though, is a small inkling of what my clients go through on a regular basis. It is amazing how medication can affect everything that goes on around you. I wonder what happens in the perceptions of my kids when their medications are switched by their parents/guardians and the psychiatrist. They don't have much of a say in any of their medical decisions - one of the downsides of being underage. I now know a very small bit of how those medications affect the ability to relate with the outside world.
I haven't been able to go far outside my house this week. The medical condition that I have requires pain medication, walking really slowly, and occasional spasms. The medication to "fix" this condition makes me feel dizzy, causes depression, and fits of crying. My rational brain knows that this is mostly chemically based, but also knows that it is difficult to be responsive and reflective when you are trying to keep yourself from exploding into tears. My emotional brain is just up, down, and all over the place. What a mess!
The hazes that I am involved in right now are ridiculous, but are completely happening for and to me. My rational brain is often overwhelmed by my emotional brain, and until I can get the emotional brain in control, I do not feel that I'm going to be effective as a therapist for kids who are also having difficulty with that emotional brain. If I cannot control my own emotions, I cannot assist others through the process of figuring out emotions and then dealing with those emotions.
So, I am sitting in my home, again, getting ready to spend the day with the cat wondering if I can venture out of the house for more than 90 minutes without having a spasm that sends me to the floor. I am looking around the pit of despair and thinking that I really need to clean. I start trying to think about what to clean, but then get overwhelmed and crawl back to bed.
My rational mind is screaming, "Don't think about it! Just get moving."
We'll see how the day ends up.
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